Colton: 1:47

a lot of it just goes down to like the ego deconstruction I'm trying to do every day, which is why I love the Enneagram. Like the whole thing to me, isn't like identifying your type. It's picking away your ego. It doesn't really matter if you're to me, if you're a one or one through nine. It matters. You can have all, all of this is existing in you at some point. So maybe at some point you need to deconstruct some of these seven traits in you, even though you're not a seven, you know, the point of a seven is just to highlight some of these personality traits and ego fixations. So whenever I'm stung from someone who's anonymous online, who I don't know, I'm like, what is it about me? That's like letting this, you know,

2:31

Hello and welcome to Enneagram in Real Life, the podcast where we explore how to apply our Enneagram knowledge in our daily lives. I'm your host, Stephanie Barron Hall, and on today's episode I am talking with YouTuber Colton Simmons. Now this episode and many of the upcoming episodes were actually recorded quite a while ago. because I banked a lot of episodes knowing that I am going to be going on maternity leave coming up here pretty soon. But I still really enjoy these episodes because they're just as relevant. You might notice that I have had a few ones on the podcast recently and I have a few more coming up, and that's because I noticed after a while of doing the, this podcast that I hadn't interviewed very many ones. So I really went out and intentionally found a lot of ones who wanted to be interviewed, which is awesome. So today Colton is gonna share his story as an Enneagram one. Um, but now I need. Always more fives and sixes. So if you're a five or a six and you wanna be interviewed, you can reach out via the contact page on my website, which is nine types.co. But um. We always need fives and sixes, and we also need a lot more twos. I've noticed that I haven't interviewed as many twos, so if you're a two and you wanna be interviewed, reach out. We'd love to chat with you. But today, um, like I mentioned, we are talking to type one, Colton Simmons. Colton is the creator and host of, you've got a Type A podcast dedicated to self-awareness, personal growth, and all things Enneagram. He has a Bachelor of Arts and a master of arts in Theology, and it was during his time in seminary when he first learned of the Enneagram as a tool for spiritual discernment. Since then, Colton has had a long and winding road through many different career paths, but has always reserved time in his life to create meaningful content that hopefully improves the lives of others. After launching, you've got a type. Just over four years ago, Colton has been wonderfully surprised to see his burgeoning channel receive more than 2.2 million views, hundreds of thousands of hours of watch time, and over 37,000 subscribers as of April, 2025. And that's just from the type fives. Just kidding. That's actually in his bio. By the way, um, but in this episode we're gonna be talking about what it's like to be a YouTuber, talking about the Enneagram, how Colton went from his upbringing as a strict evangelical and military scholarship to exploring theology acting, and eventually the Enneagram. And he's a type one with the self press dominant. So he naturally gravitates toward these tools that are for self-awareness, and improvement and things like that. So we talked a lot about that. We talked about what it's like to be married to a three. Um, I offered my condolences, just kidding. Threes. And. We also just talked about inner critic and all that sort of stuff, I really enjoyed this conversation with Colton, and I hope that you will too, And I hope you'll check out his YouTube channel, which again is called You've Got a Type. So without further ado, here's my conversation with Colton Simmons.

Steph Barron Hall: 5:38

Well, Colton, welcome to the podcast.

Colton: 5:40

Thanks, good to be here.

Steph Barron Hall: 5:42

Yeah. I'm glad we're able to connect a little bit already. I already found some kind of parallels. And I'm so curious to hear more about you and your backstory. Tell me about how you got here. Who are you?

Colton: 5:54

Oh man, this is

Steph Barron Hall: 5:55

Biggest questions.

Colton: 5:56

big existential question. Yeah, how I got here. It's been a long and winding journey. I have always been curious about spiritual things. I went, I got my bachelor's degree in theology from a small private school called Azusa Pacific we were just talking about. And then I went and got my master's in theology at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena. Always. Very interested in, you know, what else there is to life, having a sense of purpose. Yeah, just kind of picking away at like what else is out there was always at the top of mind for me, mixed with just, you know, a strict sense of moral improvement as well. Type one, there's your foreshadow. So yeah, I mean, how I got here, I don't even know where to begin with that question because I've done, especially in my early years, I was, I feel like I was changing course, like every two years, like I have a very weird and winding story that I can kind of like breeze over real quick and give you like the, the general beats. I was, And a full ride military scholarship when I started college, cause I had no way to pay for school. So I basically sold my soul. It was like, Hey, I'll do this ROTC scholarship there. It's a full ride. Did that for two years and I was an applied exercise science major. I hated everything about my life in college. I was like, nothing I'm doing is important or like relevant to what I care about. I'm good at it, but I don't care about any of this stuff. I was also playing tennis. I'd like walked onto the tennis team, just something I'd done my whole life, but was kind of like phasing out of like burned out athlete. So I had like, just a, I don't know, quarter life crisis at about 20. And I also found out that I had scoliosis from doing ruck marches all day for like 12 miles and 50 pounds on your back. And I was like, I feel like I'm too young to have weird back pains like this. And so I found out I had scoliosis, got medically discharged. And then going into my junior year, I just was like, overhaul everything. I was like, screw this. You know what? If you're not going to have any money, you might as well do what you love here for as long as you can stay at school. So I started to get my degree in theology, quit tennis team and started kind of going down a more, I don't know, spiritual path, I guess. So yeah. And then after that went to to Hollywood. I did not like my, I loved studying theology. But I did not like the culture of Christianity at the time that I was navigating. I was like, I would love this stuff. And I do have these beliefs, but I don't know where I fit in this weird culture. So then I was like, well, what else are you passionate about? I was like the arts and I was in LA. So I went to Hollywood and I started just trying to act for a little bit, got into the Screen Actors Guild, did that for two years to pay the bills. And then all I would do is end up having spiritual conversations on set about like faith and God and religion with all these tons of like beautiful, diverse people. I went to a pretty homogenous college. So it was like really refreshing. I loved it. And I was like, man, how do I do this for a living? Started a podcast called the back pew with a great friend of mine. So my best friend who was a standup comedian, and he'd also grown up as a missionary's kid in Romania, but he's a six foot eight white guy. So he was a fish out of water his whole life. I felt similar, but in a very different way. And so we started doing kind of a podcast about different people's spiritual beliefs. And I was, then I went to seminary, which I started informing that whole podcast journey where I was kind of like the theological perspective. He was humorous, but also like tons of life experience kind of feeding his narratives. And then after that, I started to work in nonprofit and marketing and always kind of kept a sliver of my life, like saved for doing what I was passionate about. And so, which is where I started doing the Enneagram podcast, especially once I, I moved from LA, so I couldn't do the podcast with my buddy anymore. Also COVID kind of blew that up. Having strangers on the podcast was a kind of a no no for a while there. So yeah, finally took my passion for the Enneagram and was like, you know what? I think I don't love what I'm seeing online. As far as how people are teaching this, like, I think there's a space for, like, humor, of course, like, my, my master's thesis was on comedy and religion, so I did a whole thing about the intersection of it and why it's important, but when it came to the Enneagram, all I was seeing was, like, stupid sketches and, like, here's what, like, a seven does at a wedding, or a four orders at Starbucks, and I was, like, I,

Steph Barron Hall: 10:10

That's so annoying.

Colton: 10:12

I was like, I love this system. I use this for like deep self critical analysis. Me and my wife use it throughout our dating relationships. I've used it with friends who have been in low places and just looking for a tool to kind of like help, you know, guide some practical steps rather than just like navel gazing and being like, isn't it great? I'm an INFJ and I'm a, like a D on the disc. And it's like, dude, how many labels do you need? Like, can we do something about all this? Like self awareness. So. That's why I love the Enneagram. And I was like, all right, typical type one behavior. I had to get frustrated about something before I like did anything about it. And I was like, so frustrated about with what I, like what I saw online. I was like, all right, I've done podcasting. I've done marketing. I gotta like, I gotta figure out how to do videos now. Cause like, I gotta, I gotta get on this YouTube platform and put out some counter content to like, for somebody who's like hungry to learn this thing. And doesn't want it to be like, so silly and cliche all the time. So yeah, that's, that is the, I skipped over so many things, but that's generally how I got to where I am now.

Steph Barron Hall: 11:17

Yeah. Well, and I think that's really helpful too, because that's something I've noticed about the Enneagram as well. And even, or Enneagram content, you know, even for a long time when I was posting on Instagram, I would try to do something like really light, or I would get like, requests for like sponsored content.

Colton: 11:34

Mm hmm.

Steph Barron Hall: 11:34

And they're like tote bag for each Enneagram type. And I'm like, well, actually, and I was like, I can't do that. I cannot, you know,

Colton: 11:42

Yeah, I know. I, now that the, my podcast has grown, I've started to get some of those and I'm just like, I don't know how to answer this, like, I'll write you a couple of sentences if you want this, but like, I'm not going to put it on my YouTube channel. I'm not going to put it on my Instagram. I barely even try Instagram at this point. Cause it's so cluttered. And like people like you that have huge platforms are doing it. I'm like, God bless. I'll my, my Instagram is like, here's the video I made. That's it. Like, if you want to watch it, you can go watch it on YouTube. I'm just living on YouTube. Cause Instagram, like, especially to write like poignant stuff is like good luck Hey, you need like to be a professional graphic designer at this point to post anything about the Enneagram. And then B it's like, most of it's just like the highest level commentary. And I'm just like, all right, go for it. So

Steph Barron Hall: 12:31

Long form video makes it so much easier to go in depth

Colton: 12:34

yeah, I, I, that's, I always felt like I need more time to explain this. Like, I feel like I, so that's why, and I just like the YouTube, like feels like this feels like you're having a conversation with somebody, you can see them, you can hear them, like I'm a huge consumer of podcasts and even things like masterclass, I love to learn. And I love that whole, like. Let's sit down and let's take this chunk by chunk and really internalize it, you know, which I was like, there's not going to be a huge market for this and it's taken a while for people to find it, but

Steph Barron Hall: 13:06

But

Colton: 13:06

nice to see. Oh, no, I was just going to say, it's nice to see that it has grown little by little.

Steph Barron Hall: 13:12

yeah. And I think especially if you're talking about things like relationships, everyone has these problems with their relationships. Like I work a lot with communication and like, it's like everything is communication, you know? So I think that that's really universally applicable for people.

Colton: 13:30

Yeah. I remember doing my first lunch and learn though, at a company that was like a small marketing agency. And even, it was just, it's just awkward because you're like picking apart someone's manager and that they don't like, and you're kind of giving them like, you're putting like bullets in the chamber a little bit. And I'm like, boy, even this is really tricky. Like, I don't know how to do this to really authentically deliver you the Enneagram that I am. And walking with, which is a little bit more like spiritual and existential. It's not as like solely communication, best practices. You can make it that 100%. But I just, with my, my education and my background, I'm always steering it towards like a more non workplace friendly, I guess, conversation where I'm like, I don't know, Stephanie might have a big issues with her mom. Like, you know, we just might end there. I don't know. Sorry. Like, you know,

Steph Barron Hall: 14:20

Yeah. Yeah. It, it definitely takes some practice to figure out like how far to take things in that scenario. But I'm curious for you, at what point did you learn about the Enneagram and how did you figure out your type?

Colton: 14:33

Well, it took about three seconds to figure out my type. I think like the first page, if you have the Rizzo and Hudson's wisdom of the Enneagram, like that first page of the type one, I have like completely underlined almost all of it with like little references to how it applies to my life. And so I found out about it from someone that had grown up. Actually gone to school to an all girls Catholic school where they, it was required reading for them, you know, thank the Franciscans for that. Actually up here in Northern California. So they, I'm like, man, this is really deep stuff to be going through in high school. But she gave it to me and she's like, I think for sure you should check this out and I think you might be a one. And I, like the first page I was like, well, yep, bingo. This is awesome. And so I just kept it to myself. I just, I would use that in like quiet times and journaling. And was just like, wow, this, especially cause I had like a very tenuous relationship with my father at the time. And so much of it is about that. Like they just dive into that childhood pattern about, you know, authority and how you've come up just putting these like crazy standards on yourself. And how you have friction with authority and all that stuff. So to me, it was just like, it was kind of like a soothing thing to read and be like, okay, this makes sense. Like this must be a common thing for a big chunk of the population to go through and have these mindsets about, you know, perfection and being particular and how your anger comes out. And even how other people are going to see you based on their type. One of my best friends was a four. So I was like, man, we like, we jive in so many ways, but then we're also like, Having a lot of friction as, as buddies, you know? So it was just, it was awesome. And nobody was really talking about it when I was, you know, 23, I'm 34 now. So it was like 11 years ago. So it was, it caught me totally off guard when it was like popular. I was like, Whoa, this is, it went from like zero to 60 and like the cultural, you know, milieu of just. Everybody knows about this now. This is crazy. So I also was a huge lover of Richard Rohr at the time. Cause I was in seminary. Which was tough because, I mean, Richard Rohr basically dismantled a lot of my spiritual life at the time. But his Enneagram was like, another way to like, bolster it back up in a way. But I love him and when I saw that he had written a book on the Enneagram, I was like, Man, this is really into like you can really layer in your spiritual beliefs with this quote unquote personality assessment, and that was something I hadn't found with Myers Briggs or DISC or StrengthsFinder, like all the stuff that I had gone through in college. I was like, this is really adding like a practical spiritual, you know, Layer to this whole, you know, personality conversation, which I loved.

Steph Barron Hall: 17:08

Yeah. And I wonder if reading something by somebody who's your same type makes it land differently.

Colton: 17:15

Yeah. I'm just like, how is this guy one? He's so calm. I'm like, you're such a mature version of, of oneness. But then you listen to like his older stuff from the seventies and eighties. And you're like, all right, there's a fire. There's a little bit of like, you know, there's that

Steph Barron Hall: 17:28

Yeah. He's found the serenity

Colton: 17:30

Yes. I was like, you're nine wing also must be hardcore.

Steph Barron Hall: 17:34

Yeah. I'm curious. I think I saw that you resonate with this self preservation subtype.

Colton: 17:39

Mm hmm.

Steph Barron Hall: 17:41

I'm curious how you see that play out.

Colton: 17:43

Predominantly through like anxiety is a huge one for that. I also, I grew up with an alcoholic father, so like everything was always very out of control and unpredictable. Like you just like, so I learned to live in my room a lot of ways. Like I I either got sent there cause I was punished, or it was just the place that I had like total control and safety. And as long as I kept my bed made and my everything put away, like I was pretty much left behind. You couldn't really get punished if you were just in there. So my home and my dwelling place, wherever I've been, has always been a very particular, very clean, very minimalistic space where I felt like this is where I can kind of come and like, be safe and I can be good. And this is, no, one's going to come in here and like cause chaos in here. So yeah, it's played out a lot. And then just as I've worked through. Anxiety about, again, it gets very existential fears about what happens when you die, you know, all these conversations about you know, life after death and heaven and hell and God, all that stuff, especially like around the first time I lost like a family member, I was like, man, all, all of these beliefs are now colliding to the forefront of my brain. And I really got to figure out like what I do now, how that affects me later on. So, Yeah, that's that's a bit of it.

Steph Barron Hall: 18:59

Yeah. That makes sense. And I, it sounds like a lot of pressure especially thinking about you, you and your younger, like always wanting to have these existential conversations or these spiritual conversations and having these big questions.

Colton: 19:12

Mm hmm. Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 19:13

a lot there. Oh my

Colton: 19:15

Yeah well in the heart the hard part that triggered a lot of the anxiety was feeling like I had it all figured out when I was younger because like, you know for me it was being a part of like the Evangelical Christian Church which has like all these rules around sexuality or Drinking or swearing or what you watch or how you act and all this stuff. And I was like, Oh, I'm doing all of this. So I'm good. Like I'm set. And then as that started to like, you know, get picked away, like they jokingly call seminary cemetery, cause it's where you go to like, to lose your faith. Cause you just, you start learning all the things you didn't know about scripture or the historical concept. And it can be a beautiful place too, where you're really like, you finally inform all of these, you know, Maybe like inherited beliefs of your parents. So it's, I don't want to knock it. It was great for a lot of things. But you start to kind of pick away some of even your like interpretations of how things were translated and all that stuff. So then you go, wow, I might be like not good and I might even be verging on bad based on how I've lived my life. And that was rough. And I was like, and it might've been all for not, you might've been super rigid and strict on yourself and maybe there's no heaven, like, and then that was just like, Oh my gosh. Then what was the point of everything? Like I missed out on so many great experiences for nothing. And the times that I was moral, it wasn't even really from a good place. It was from like a very judgmental condescending, like it wasn't like, Oh, I'm serving the poor. Cause I'm like, I'm just concerned that they're not doing well. And I feel like I have enough to share with them. It was like, no, I should do this. Cause then it's like, that's what good people do. You know, good people go on a mission trip on spring break. They don't go to Cancun. So it's like, yeah, but I kind of want to go to Cancun. Or, you know what I mean? Like, I kind of want to do the fun thing on spring break. And it's like, no, just white knuckle this. Push it down and do the really strict virtuous thing. So you start looking back on, you know, 15, 20 years of that decision making. And it was just like, dude, I don't know what to do. Like, how do I, how do I, how do I do this going forward now? You know? So,

Steph Barron Hall: 21:11

I mean, yeah.

Colton: 21:13

it's a lot.

Steph Barron Hall: 21:14

It's a mindfuck. I, I think that's like that. That's what you call that.

Colton: 21:18

Yeah, exactly.

Steph Barron Hall: 21:19

I'm curious and we can cut this if you don't want to discuss this, but I'm just curious, like how you've made peace with that now and like knowing, okay, I'm a one and I have these concepts. Like, how do you have this, you know, obviously in some way you must have rebuilt some sort of like moral and ethical fiber.

Colton: 21:37

Yeah, I mean, I think, I think a lot, like, I thank Richard Rohr a lot for this, because he was the only, like, he was the only person that was, like, teaching mysticism a lot when I was kind of going through all this. And Mysticism is like for those of that, that of you that don't know what that is, it's just, it's basing your Christian faith or whatever your faith is on a true experience, a firsthand experience with a divine, it's believing that it's not all theory and verse memorization, but there is like a transformative experience at the heart of your faith. It's very mystical. It's a mystery. It's, you cannot explain it. It's also like, as opposed to just feeling like you can find all the answers. Mystery is like endlessly knowable. You can never figure it all out. So there's always more information. And that whole philosophy is what helped me make peace with where I'm at today. You know, with, which is just, I don't want to say that it's like a feeling of lostness because there's like a peace in it, you know, it's it's weird. It's the, it's all paradoxical thinking, you know, it's like, this doesn't matter. But it also, it matters a lot, and holding both of those thoughts at the same time has been, I don't know, pretty much the journey of my last, like, five or six years. And, and it's just, it's a lot of contemplative meditation. It's a lot of trying to find intentional community to like share the journey with it's. It's learning to recognize the ego at work and being like, how, where did that thought come from? And why do I feel that in my body and connecting those two things and then trying to find the peace in that going like, wow, I actually, I'm holding this tension in my chest and like, maybe I didn't feel stress, but my body's reacting so it's, it's such a holistic. I don't feel like I'm giving like a clear answer here, but it's like understanding all of the components of how you're going through life and then making peace with that, like from your mental, your emotional, your physical, somehow finding purpose amidst all the mystery. You know, within all that.

Steph Barron Hall: 23:32

Well, I mean, the truth is there's no simple answer, of course, but it sounds like you're just finding this tension and rejecting the black and white thinking that not only your evangelical upbringing, it sounds like, but also, you know, this specific typology,

Colton: 23:47

Mm hmm.

Steph Barron Hall: 23:48

kind of has inherent in it.

Colton: 23:50

Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's still always really hard to explain and there's stuff from Roar is always like, as soon as you start trying to put words to this stuff, it pretty much loses meaning because now you're trying to make something be concrete, like that is not concrete, it's, it's vapor, you know what I mean? And you're trying to like throw a blanket over it and be like, look, this is what it is. And you're like, kind of, it's like any magical experience you have. As soon as you start trying to explain it. It doesn't sound as cool or whatever, you know, like you could have this perfect moment with your spouse or you see your child born and you start describing it. And you're like, ah, it doesn't, this doesn't sound like how it feels, you know? So I think those are the, I've had a thousand of those little moments amidst like, you know, the peace of contemplation and just sitting in stillness and and just, Some crazy, I don't know what to call them, like, fortuitous coincidences, you know? I'm a spiritual guy, so I believe that some things are like a little bit of a God wink, you know? So, yeah, I've had enough of those little moments where it feels like the divine, like, just kind of, like, gives you a nugget and you're like, alright, keep going. I'll keep going with this. So,

Steph Barron Hall: 25:00

Yeah. It's a mystery for sure. I'm curious because on your channel, like we mentioned, you talk about the Enneagram and relationships. And I'm curious if you've seen that play out in your own life and what has that looked like?

Colton: 25:14

yeah, it's huge for me and my wife. She's a three and I'm a one very like highly competent couple, but still very whimsical and playful. And I remember reading our, like, you know, the, the first few descriptions about how we function and things. And just being like, wow, this is exactly, this is exactly where we're like connecting on such a deep and natural level. It just feels effortless. And this is also where we're always just going to have, you know, A little bit of a difference of opinions, if not some friction for like, when we first started dating, it was really weird. Cause I was more introverted and I have a very small circle of friends and she is like, Mrs, you know, popular new, everybody performer, like just everybody seemed, just seemed to love her. And so her friend group was massive, you know, and I was like, yo, not all these people are your friends. I'm gonna let you know, you got a lot of takers in your circle that aren't really giving as much back. And, and there were also beautiful people that I had completely disregarded. Cause we were in the same community for years. We'd gone to the same church and there were people that I was like, I don't know about that person. And then lo and behold, they're like great friends now, you know? So it was this nice mixture of like, the longer we've been together, the more her group got smaller and the more mine got bigger and we've kind of met in the middle. And it's created like a beautiful understanding of what community is for us. And it's just like, we just talk about every little detail. I think we've like weird out some of our couples where they're like, are you told him that? I was like, yeah, I told him. I was like, there's not something that happens to either of us. We have like a high ethical standard of, if this happens, I'm going to tell you, you know, we share everything. Like our finances are one account. Like, you know, so it's, it's great as much as it causes friction where I'm like, I'm like, I have to do this the right way. And she's like, Oh, we can do it this way. Who cares? Let's just go with it. You know? We almost always still meet back on the, like, all right, this feels like the smart, mature thing to do. Let's go with that.

Steph Barron Hall: 27:09

Yeah. I can appreciate that level of transparency and also that you shared she's a three because I think sometimes people have an assumption that threes aren't that way.

Colton: 27:19

Yeah. I think people have a lot of assumptions about every Enneagram type and what they can and cannot be. But yeah, threes, threes are an interesting one. Cause I also feel like they consume the least amount of Enneagram content, just statistically from my stuff from the last couple of years, I'm like, wow. Every time, every, everything with threes. Get some of the lowest views because it is like it's self critical and don't want to dive into that stuff. Let's talk about my strengths and things I'm doing well. And like, keep it up, keep it, you know, positive and flashy and nice. And I think that is a true part of the stereotype maybe. But she's also got a four wing and she's just very mature. So like her emotional introspection is really deep and. She used to do performance poetry, which was like really vulnerable. I mean, she's self aware, self aware enough to know that like, Oh, I turned even my darkness into like a way to get applause, you know, so she knows, she knew what she was doing and it was very successful for her, but it's still like, as a one, I feel like I connect very naturally with a lot of fours. And for me, it was a nice way to meet her and kind of have that inroad in. And I think, you know, her sister is very similar to her, but she's a three wing too. And it's like a very different, like, in some ways you're like, thank God you're bringing this, like, two energy over here. You're like so lively and relentless with your energy and like, you're like, wake up at two in the morning if you need to, if we need something or whatever. But yeah, I, I feel like the, the ability to dive into that four wing is for me, at least in a relationship is like essential. I was like, this, I need this.

Steph Barron Hall: 28:50

Do you know her subtype?

Colton: 28:51

I think it very much seems to be social. We've talked a lot about it. But yeah, I would, I would lean social, you know, she'd have to have a little bit more thought about that.

Steph Barron Hall: 29:03

Yeah, that makes sense.

Colton: 29:04

yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 29:05

I don't know if you know, I'm a type three

Colton: 29:07

Oh, nice. I did not know that.

Steph Barron Hall: 29:09

So it's really funny because I loved the Enneagram because I liked that it looked directly at all of these flaws,

Colton: 29:16

Really?

Steph Barron Hall: 29:17

but I also felt really exposed, but I was like, I basically think I'm terrible. So,

Colton: 29:23

also turned it into a career. So

Steph Barron Hall: 29:25

well, yeah, there you go.

Colton: 29:26

So it's like the performance poetry part of her, too, where you're like, this thing is exposing me, but I can at least handle the narrative if I'm the one doing the exposing, you know? Which I think not to, not to call it threes on that, but

Steph Barron Hall: 29:39

every hobby I turn into a career and and I like have literally tried to stop doing that because I'm like I Can't start any more businesses

Colton: 29:49

I know that's a tough, she's, yeah, she definitely had her season of like deconstruction where she's like, no more other things. I'm just going to work and this is what I do. And that was like a huge piece of permission for her. Like COVID really helped her like as awful as that was, you can pull good things out of any awful thing. And like watching her read books on a back patio and be like completely like content. I was like, this is huge for our, Relationship and her personal journey, you know, and it's still become it's it's carried through the years since you know Kovat is baited like she's like attached to her kindle and it is like a great way to be like you cannot turn this Into a career. I'm not doing this for anybody else, but myself, you know Taps into the imagination. It's not practical. It's not advancing your career in any way. Like you're not reading self help books. It's just fun fiction. Just like, you know,

Steph Barron Hall: 30:39

well tell her to call me when she wants to start writing fanfiction

Colton: 30:43

Oh gosh. Oh man. I don't wonder what you'd write fan fiction about. She like will read everything that is fun. Like popular, she just like torn through like the bestsellers or what's that award that they get, like Pulitzer's, you know, so yeah, I, she needs a book club up here now that we live in Northern California, cause I'm like the amount of books she goes through. I'm like, you gotta be trading these off. Like I catch one out of every like 50 she reads, you know,

Steph Barron Hall: 31:10

okay, well we have to be friends because I've read 28 books so far this year so

Colton: 31:14

Yeah. I, I, I lose her and my mom all the time to book conversations, like at dinners or when she visits, I'm like. Alright, I'll be in the back house. I'll see you guys later

Steph Barron Hall: 31:26

see you later

Colton: 31:27

Yeah, it's so like,

Steph Barron Hall: 31:30

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, I love that. I love a three who reads anyone who reads really, it's not, it's not type specific.

Colton: 31:37

I gotta read more. It feels like something I'm lacking on. It was just such a big part of like self improvement for me for so long, like going to grad school and reading so much that I was like, I don't want to read. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want any more books. I'm just gonna read like my Enneagram stuff when I'm working on things and then I'll That's it, you know?

Steph Barron Hall: 31:56

yeah. Well, I think even that can be difficult because sometimes I get really tired of reading enneagram books.

Colton: 32:01

Oh yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 32:03

I love self help type books too, but it can kind of feel like you're always working.

Colton: 32:08

Yeah. I mean, for me, it's not my full time, so it always feels like I'm still playing a bit, you know, and it's, it's fun to read with content in mind because for most of my journey, I was just reading to know it and just cause I was fascinated with it. So now it's interesting to go like, Oh, I haven't really done anything on that. Like it would be fun to highlight this. It's like a new challenge for me to now ingest it. It's like, as soon as you start teaching it, you're like, now it's, it's even sinking deeper in me now that I'm doing this content. So

Steph Barron Hall: 32:39

What was it like for you, as a self preservation one, to start your YouTube channel and to decide this video is good enough?

Colton: 32:47

I hated it. I still really struggle with it. I always liked collaborative projects. So like my last podcast was with my best friend, you know, and he was like a performer and a speaker. And he's very like, got a big personality, you know, same thing with my wife, like Miss Charisma, like very lovable. And I'm like, I'll do stuff with you guys. And I'll like, you know, chip in every once in a while with like, hopefully something smart to say. So to do something alone on camera, I like, I hated it. I also just much preferred audio podcasting. Cause it doesn't matter what you look like. And you don't just don't have to be so nitpicky about like, Oh man, I have a lint thing on my shirt. Dang it. Like, do I reshoot this video? Like, that's how particular my brain is. I've reshot entire things because there's a white speck that flew into my sweater and I can't look at it. I'm like, this is driving me crazy. And if I just go spend an hour, I can reshoot it and it won't be there. You know, there's still, there's a hundred things in the videos I put out where I'm like, I hate this, I hate that, I hate this, I hate that. And you just kind of like have to compromise. But it is that I think it plays out a lot in my anxiety about like things, especially my appearance, not being like perfect and afraid to like, I don't know, just get picked away at by people that I don't even know, you know, so. Yeah,

Steph Barron Hall: 34:04

it's funny too because so many YouTubers just go on or people on TikTok even are like,

Colton: 34:09

yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 34:10

you know, they just rolled out of bed and they're like, here I am. And I kind of envy those people sometimes.

Colton: 34:16

Yeah, it, the amount of time I've spent, like, just trying to feel okay to be on camera is, is incredibly, like, vain and hard to get over. Like, I can't, it's just hard, because there's part of me that's like, I have to look at this, like, in an editing bay for a little bit, and it sucks to look terrible or look disheveled, you know? I also just have a higher standard in general in life, where I'm like, I want this to be evergreen. I want this to be good And if it's me rolling out of bed and just doing like a phone video, which I got a lot of advice to do that when I first started it, they're like, just shoot content, man. Just go for it. Like, just put it out there. And I'm like, I don't want to have to redo all this in like seven years. Cause I look back and I'm like, that was utter shit. Like, Didn't think through it. A lot of ums, a lot of stammers. Maybe I even said something that's not true because I just was like nervous on the, in the moment, you know? So yeah, it was hard. I mean, that's why everything I do is like highly tailored, very specific. I've rehearsed it. I know what I'm going to say. I give myself a little bit of room to play more and more throughout the years. But it's still scary. Every time I riff something on camera, I'm like, Oh, this is where you're gonna get in trouble. Here it comes. Like I made a Trump joke on my last video that just aired today. And I just, the whole time I was just like. Waiting for a comment to come in. It wasn't even making fun of him. I was just like making a comparison joke to highlight differences. And I'm like, I have no stance on this. You just, you guys bring your own stances to this. I just want to make the comparison. Cause it made me laugh, you know? So yeah, stuff like that is, is tough.

Steph Barron Hall: 35:51

Yeah. It is. And it's, it's hard because I mean, it is tempting to be like, portray. Oh, I'm neutral. But I think sometimes even that is like less palatable to people. Right.

Colton: 36:05

I guess it's even more, it wouldn't be honest to say like I'm neutral, but it is more so that I'm like, I don't want this to distract from the content that matters, you know, and that's the hard part. I do feel like I have a strong, like my mom's a nine and my dad is a one. So I have like a perfect split of them in my brain at all times. And I'm like, I don't want to ruffle your feathers, but I also just like, I want to be me on this thing. And I don't want to be, I don't want me being authentic to ruin the chance that you would listen to this. So it's like constant self critical thoughts, just like bombarding everything I'm saying on camera, which is really hard to then keep doing it. You know? So, but luckily. People like it. So I'm like, all right, if it's helping and people like it, let's keep doing it. And I do like someday I'm like, if I could do this for a living, this would be great. I'd talk about a hundred other things besides the Enneagram. But yeah, it is, it is tough. And it is just kind of like a daily, everyday, get a little bit more used to it, but still like, this is so dumb and so vain, but even when I grew my hair out, it like, it gave me fits. Cause I was like, I don't know how to do long hair on camera. I've had short hair my whole life. And I was like, I'm distracted from this video because my stupid hair is like dangling off to the side. I'm losing my mind. That's yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 37:22

I mean, like, I think that the way that you're saying it, you're like, Oh, this sounds vain, but like it doesn't. Right. Because you're trying to make this high quality product and you're like looking at these different details. And we all do that to some extent. Okay.

Colton: 37:39

that deep down, but all it takes is like one shitty kid to be like, nice hair, loser. Or like, could have used some hairspray or whatever. And then you're like, Oh, like you see that comment at 11 o'clock at night. And you're just like sitting there, like, I'm going to cut my hair off. I don't know why, I don't know why I

Steph Barron Hall: 37:52

Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. No, I, I feel that for sure. Yeah.

Colton: 37:58

Worse for women than guys. That's all I can think. I'm like, this has to be way worse for y'all. With like, already living with a social commentary that exists all the time, you know?

Steph Barron Hall: 38:09

Yeah, it is kind of interesting to get feedback on your appearance, like constantly. And I'm like, like, okay, for better or worse, like it doesn't matter. It's just constant. And, and that is a little tiring. Especially when I'm like, did you see anything that I actually wrote or said or

Colton: 38:27

I think people that haven't made content don't know that that exists. Stings a lot. If that's the only thing they think, Oh, I just was just saying this. It was just stood out to me. And you're like, but that's all you said. Or like, you know what I mean? Like there's, I have so many examples of things like that, you know, where it's just like, that's the last

Steph Barron Hall: 38:45

a typo.

Colton: 38:46

Yeah. And I'm just like, appreciate the catch, but like, could you just say like, awesome video, love this, or like, Hey, these three things stood out to me. Also, I think this, you know, you might have like a, Well, spiderweb in the background, whatever, you know, like

Steph Barron Hall: 38:59

that happen?

Colton: 39:00

No, I'm just, that

Steph Barron Hall: 39:01

Oh.

Colton: 39:01

I've had sons of other ones, but he was like, cool, thanks.

Steph Barron Hall: 39:05

So how do you deal with that then? Like, I also have a really strong inner critic. How do you deal with that, with your inner critic?

Colton: 39:13

a lot of it just goes down to like the ego deconstruction I'm trying to do every day, which is why I love the Enneagram. Like the whole thing to me, isn't like identifying your type. It's picking away your ego. It doesn't really matter if you're to me, if you're a one or one through nine. It matters. You can have all, all of this is existing in you at some point. So maybe at some point you need to deconstruct some of these seven traits in you, even though you're not a seven, you know, the point of a seven is just to highlight some of these personality traits and ego fixations. So whenever I'm stung from someone who's anonymous online, who I don't know, I'm like, what is it about me? That's like letting this, you know, but I'm also like, well, I want to respond because I have the time to, and I try to respond to everything. Okay. Especially now, cause I'm so early and I can like catch most comments, like an email. So I'm like, how do I respond to this in a way where I'm like, not offended, but like, have fun with it. I don't know. It's really hard. You know, some, some days it just hurts more because you're dealing with a ton of other gunk, you know? For me, it's always like a, it's just a signpost. So, especially with anger for me, I'm always like, you got really upset about a dumb line. Like, what do you need from this? Do you not feel like you're affirmed enough? Do you feel like your friends haven't really. Said anything and you wish that they would compliment your video. And because this asshole said something, you're like, actually, what you're mad about is your friend's lack of praise. And this kid who just was like, owls, aren't the type seven spirit animal. And you're like, I don't care. I don't care what the spirit animal, I do that in for fun, you know? So it's all fuel for self awareness. Every, I feel like every emotion is fuel for self awareness.

Steph Barron Hall: 40:54

Yeah. And it's also helpful sometimes to, to recognize, I think like, oh, that comment was not about me.

Colton: 41:00

Hmm. Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 41:03

Do you have a hater voice that you read troll comments in?

Colton: 41:06

I hate it. No, I don't know. Yeah, I, I don't really, they're, they're kind of like, they're luckily cause I'm not that big of a channel. Like I don't get that much hate. And I think it's usually the stuff where I kind of know going into it, I'm about to like sting somebody. Like I intentionally went in a little bit on the nines in the relationships. Cause I was like, you guys, I, I'm like, I don't feel like you're hearing this. There's a lot of critical feedback in here. And even listening to people like, you know, Russ Hudson, he's like, nines can read these things and go like, this was beautiful and close the book. And even one of my best friends is always like, I'm, you know, I'm happy to be a nine. And I'm like, bro, that's not the point. You should be catching some of these critical thoughts. And it's, I love that you love being a nine, but I feel like it's also a little bit of a red flag that you're not like, Oh, it's also really hard. So when I lean into that, like counter narrative, which is why I started the channel in the first place was to be a little bit of a counter resource to the other things I saw on YouTube. I'm like, cool, fair game. You know, they called me an asshole. I get it. Like, I know why you're frustrated. No one else is saying it like this, at least on YouTube, all the books I'm reading are all of the, the brilliant minds of the Enneagram have always been saying it this critically. You're just not listening to Naranjo or Hudson or Rizzo. You're not listening to any of these people. So I can get why you think I'm making this up. Myself, because I have some like bent against nines and it's like some degree. I, yeah, I have a bent against all types. Cause I can think of someone who's every number. So it's not untrue for someone to call me out for having a bias, you know, but when people get really stung, it's like, all right, all right, all right. I get why I just like to have done it intentionally rather than stuff like the spirit animals. I've had people rail on me for like. This is not accurate. It's so misleading. I mean, I thought I was a nine until you got to the spirit animals. And then I was like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, I was like, that was a deal breaker for the other 25 minutes of highly edited content that I made that I was like, so

Steph Barron Hall: 43:11

Yeah. I actually have also been accused of hating nines or having it out for nines.

Colton: 43:15

really, that's so funny. It's kind of good to hear someone else getting that, especially as a three, but like, that's, you know,

Steph Barron Hall: 43:21

I mean. I have no, they didn't give any specifics, so I have no idea what they're talking about, but I actually genuinely have had some, like, you know, more on a personal scale, like, had some things happen in relationships with nines that have been really hurtful, where they've made extremely hurtful comments, and I think just, like, not realized it.

Colton: 43:43

Yeah, I mean, I've always gravitated towards nines. Like I've had my childhood best friend, my mom, two of my closest friends are nines. So, I mean, I'd like four in my queue and I like love them all to death. We seem to, we just seem to fit really well. I think the, the wing overlap really helps. Cause they say, I always felt like they say mean things in a way that people will listen to. And I say, I say like, how, what's the reverse of this? It's like, I'm saying a lot of like critical things, which, sorry, let me rewind that whole statement. Like they can translate the critical things that I'm saying in a nice way. And like their mean things actually stand out to me as like, whoa, that's a real thought, and we can kind of bond over like this lighthearted playfulness mixed with like a lot of critical observations. They just have a way of saying it in a very sweet way. Whereas when I say, even like a mildly critical thing, it feels like a tidal wave of judgment, you know, but I also feel incredibly safe being playful around nights. Like, I don't know, they, the total lack of judgment, the ability to be silly. And like, I always seem like a more rigid, like buttoned up person. And I'm like, see me around these people. And it's the complete opposite. Like,

Steph Barron Hall: 44:59

Yeah.

Colton: 45:00

so yeah, I feel like we have a nice little marriage.

Steph Barron Hall: 45:03

yeah, and I think like their ability to be light and not be so serious all the time is really refreshing too, because I tend to have really intent, really serious conversations all the time. And my husband's the same way. And so

Colton: 45:16

his type.

Steph Barron Hall: 45:17

six.

Colton: 45:18

Oh, okay.

Steph Barron Hall: 45:19

Mm hmm. He is like gone all around, but he's landed on social six. Yeah.

Colton: 45:23

Well, that makes sense.

Steph Barron Hall: 45:25

Yeah, right?

Colton: 45:25

all around.

Steph Barron Hall: 45:26

Yeah, yeah. So, so yeah, like nine friends can really bring out that kind of piece. And I appreciate that a lot.

Colton: 45:33

Yeah. Yeah. They're great for that. But they definitely, I took this line from Hudson and one of the things that he wrote that I put in my video and I was like, they can be the biggest menace to their environment of any other type

Steph Barron Hall: 45:46

Hmm.

Colton: 45:47

because their unwillingness to acknowledge what is really going on can put everyone else in harm's way, you know? And it's like, I grew up with a mom that was that way. Like I've seen it. I love my mom. She's still one of my best friends, but she was also married to an abusive alcoholic for decades and had a miserably, like terribly abusive childhood. And she didn't do jack shit about it. And her thing was always like, well, that's your dad, you know, like, well, you just got to contain your anger. And it was like very, the pacifist narrative of like, don't let him get to you kind of was like, don't let him get to me, like, you know, so it's it, but that's her journey and she's worked through it and she's made progress. You know, big decisions to free herself from that herself. And that's like her, that's like her big, big thing in life is acknowledging what is really happening, even when it's negative, you know? So, and mine is having grace for people who take a long time to figure out what's really happening.

Steph Barron Hall: 46:44

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and it's like that, this is fine comic,

Colton: 46:48

yeah, yeah. With everything on fire.

Steph Barron Hall: 46:50

Mm hmm. Yeah. But I think that what you're just saying too is a really good point, because I think that kind of is what the Enneagram does for us. It like kind of enlightens what is your kind of big hurdle or obstacle in life.

Colton: 47:05

Yeah. At least that's what it should do. It's just horribly uncomfortable when you get to those conversations.

Steph Barron Hall: 47:11

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, nobody likes that.

Colton: 47:14

yeah, I mean, that's why I'm like, I'd rather put this in a video and then someone can send it to you. Cause if we have this conversation directly, it's going to be very uncomfortable. Like when I do typing sessions, it's like, I tell people from the jump, I'm like, this is going to be uncomfortable. Part of what you've, you know, signed up for here is for me to give you what I got, which is a very, like, I'm going to pick apart the things you're saying and put them within buckets of patterns that may really suck to hear, you know, most of them and well, but every once in a while, it's like, I don't know why you want to dive into the Enneagram, man. It's like, if you're not ready for this stuff, it's going to suck. You know, it's not. It's not StrengthsFinder. So that's why I made a whole video comparing the two systems. Cause I was like, every time I'm around corporate environments, trying to talk about the Enneagram, I'm like, I often feel like what the boss really wants is StrengthsFinder. I'm like, you want like cheerleading and you know, you want, you want to work backwards from the positive. Whereas I'm like the Enneagram works backwards from the self critical, from the negative, from the hard stuff. And it's, it's super jarring.

Steph Barron Hall: 48:17

It is. And I think it can be difficult when the request is immediate applicability because That is really hard. Like I was just, I was just having this conversation with my book editor actually, because she was like, cut some description, like leave more of this. And I was like, actually the description part is where people get it wrong. Like that's where people have a hard time applying it because they don't understand it well enough.

Colton: 48:43

yeah, I agree with that. I mean, when I was trying to even think about how to teach it, I wanted to do the Enneagram relationships first, which is why I like named the channel. Like you've got a type, you know, that whole play on words of like, ah, she's got a type. She likes what she likes. And so I was like, oh, that's cool. I'm going to do like a relationship series. And every time I went to explain it, I was like, I can't explain this without like rewinding into what like subtypes are, what wings are and what integration and disintegration is. And I'm like, this is going to be a. This is a three hour YouTube video. So I was like, all right, I have to do the guides first so that I can be like, there you go. This is a description of every concept. And there's a little bit of practical stuff at the end of you want it, which I'm always horribly insecure about because that taps into like my, You know, my like worst side of like, let me teach you something you don't know. And I'm like, I've, I've been that person for so much of my twenties that it's like, whenever I have to do advice in these videos, I'm like, it doesn't make sense to end without like practical steps. And I'm like, I don't want to do this. Like, I don't want to put this in the video. But yeah, it is. It's like all that context and all those like nitty gritty descriptions really do fuel, like all the meaty practical stuff.

Steph Barron Hall: 49:54

You don't want to do it. Cause you're aware that you might slip into like that. More like pedantic mode.

Colton: 49:59

Yeah. I just, I've been very preachy through a lot of my life. I'm sure at some point someone thought I was being preachy on this podcast. Like, I don't, I don't know when, but it's just kind of part of my, you know, my ego that's like, I have information I need to share. Which is like, I've always loved education and teaching. And like, if I could be a college professor tomorrow, like I would do that. I would sign up for that in a heartbeat. I'm just really tired of college debt paying off all my loans. I'm like, I don't want to do that again. But like, if I could go do that, I love classrooms. I love the space where people are hungry to learn. I love it when people are sharing like diverse perspectives, but. I have had this big tendency and been called out for it and had tenuous relationships where it was like, I was always trying to like, tell them what wasn't going right in their life or like how they could be better or like, you know, not always being wrong. It's always, it's that old saying of like, it's not what you're saying. It's how you're saying it. And it was like, that was my whole life of like, you're just saying it wrong. You know, I have a really good mentor that I've had mine, you know, since I was like 24, sorry, I feel like my voice has given out. It's been a long day. I have hit puberty for those of you listening, like my voice has cracked like 20 times. I've had a really good soft spoken mentor who was a nine, who I love. And it was just that constant reminder of like, not that you're wrong. It's just the way that you're loving these people is like very critical. You're leading with like 90 percent critical, 10 percent love, you know? So that's where, when I start giving critical feedback, it puts me in that position of like, I'm in a healthy place and you're not. So let me tell you how to fix all this stuff. And I was like, I don't have any of this stuff fully nailed down, dude. I'm 34 years old. Like I, yeah, I, I feel uncomfortable. Cause I always like teachers and my therapist. To be way, way older. I was like, I don't want to listen to someone in their thirties. I'm like, you gotta be in your like late forties or fifties, you know? And my therapist that I love is like, that's how he is. He's got his doctorate. It's in his fifties, had a bunch of kids, had a great career. And I'm like, that's the guy I want to listen to. Sorry to all the therapists out there that are in your thirties and your twenties, and you're starting a practice. I'm not saying that you're bad at all. It's just the preference thing, because. I've been the cocky 25 year old trying to lecture people with decades, more life experience. And it's like, I'd pass on that, you know?

Steph Barron Hall: 52:20

I mean, I get that. I was asked to write a book about the Enneagram and, like, love and relationships after I had been married five years. And I was like, I don't have anything to teach about this that now it's been five years since then, you know? And even now I'm like, I feel like I know maybe less after 10 years.

Colton: 52:38

Well, it's also like, so case by case to where you're like, I can write a book about this, but I'm going to let you know that like 75 percent of this is going to be theory, like, cause I have not been married to a four or a seven or like, you know what I mean? Like I may have dated a few of these types, but I don't know. Yeah. I mean, I think that's, it's also the funny part when people disagree with things where I'm like, you're not disagreeing with a 34 year old cold and you're disagreeing with like people that have like 70 years of combined experience in this, because that's who I'm reading and I'm just repackaging it for you in a way that I hope is more palatable because you're not going to go buy all these books. And read them, you know, that's my whole thing. I'm just like a knowledge broker in a lot of ways where I'm like, I'm giving my personal spin on this and like what I think stands out, but to, I'm like, God bless the people that have, you know, the cojones to like write stuff when I'm like, you don't even know half of this stuff, like, you know, so, so it

Steph Barron Hall: 53:29

Yeah. Yeah.

Colton: 53:32

There's authors all over the Christian space that write books about the Enneagram where I'm like, you just found this like three years ago.

Steph Barron Hall: 53:38

And

Colton: 53:38

have a

Steph Barron Hall: 53:38

and it shows.

Colton: 53:39

Yeah, you have a platform, and like, this is not great. Like, I don't know. I've had people be like, you need to read so and so's book. And I'm like, alright, I'll go buy that. And I'm like, this is The most high level, like my video is deeper than this. Like, you want me to read this? Like, what about it? Like, but there's my arrogance. I told you it was going to come up in this video. Like, there's my, like, I have the answers. I've read the right materials. I've spent the right amount of time on this. And so it ties back to why I'm like, ah, I just, I struggled with it a lot in the relationship series because I was like, man, it's just, I'm giving advice and that's like a fifth of the video and it feels really uncomfortable. But I didn't want to end with conflict. Like, I didn't want to leave people in a space where I was like, and here's how your relationship might be really shitty. All right, like and subscribe. I'll see you later. Yeah,

Steph Barron Hall: 54:25

yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. And I think that that is just part of like this process, right? Of like creating content that you want to be useful, battling your own ego along the way, like is what it is.

Colton: 54:37

This is why I didn't go into ministry right out of the jump. I mean, I, like, I got my master's in theology when I was 25. Gosh, it's been a while now. And I had a bunch of people that just went and started running churches. And I was like, damn, you've like thousands of people. Some of them are like in their 80s and 70s. And I've been through wars and like death and going to go, all right. Like, I just always had a hard time with that. And I think some people are great at it. And I think some people's confidence has helped them get places quicker than me because I was more self effacing or too scared to not do it right the first time. So there's a good side to like what they were doing, but it's just, I've never been wired that way. I was like, I'll study this for 10, good 10 years and then I'll make a video about it. You know?

Steph Barron Hall: 55:23

Yeah, for sure. I think that there's something to be said for that, that slower process too.

Colton: 55:29

Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 55:30

If somebody is new to the Enneagram and they just found out they're one, do you have like one quick tip for them?

Colton: 55:37

One quick tip. Just start complimenting people more.

Steph Barron Hall: 55:42

Oh, I like that.

Colton: 55:43

Just do it. It's a muscle you're so weak at. It's like skipping leg day. And ones who've skipped leg day their whole lives. Most of the time. Unless they're crazy healthy. But,

Steph Barron Hall: 55:55

Yeah.

Colton: 55:55

it'll matter. It's just that the weird part is I discount. I've seen that one's discount the weight of their critique, which means they devalue the weight of their affirmation as well. They're like, Oh, I'm just telling you, like, by the way, that this was not a good thing that you did. This shouldn't matter. And then they're like, I'll just won't even say the compliment because that doesn't even matter either. You know, where it's like, it's weird to know that your words really have an impact. It's kind of scary.

Steph Barron Hall: 56:19

Yeah. That's such a good one. Okay, final two questions I ask everyone. Tell me about a book that has helped you, refreshed you, or shaped you in the last year.

Colton: 56:28

This goes back to my wife's potential book club that she should start with you. I loved gentlemen in Moscow per her recommendation. I thought that book was incredible. And it was so like, I read that during the pandemic, which felt like being trapped. And have you read that book already? Oh my gosh. It's so good. I really recommend it. It starts so slow. It took me so many times to get into it, but she was like, you have to read this. You're going to love this guy. Like he's right up your alley. And so like the fourth time it was like on vacation and I was like, okay, fine. I'll bring a book. And I finally like pushed past the first couple of chapters and it was like, When it ended, I was like choked up. I was like, I don't want to not have this character in my life anymore because the way, I don't think it ruins anything. Like he's basically like this member of like high Like he's an aristocrat essentially in Russia who like at the turn, when they have the revolution, like the Russian revolution, and they'd like, you know, either kill or capture all those like wealthy aristocrats, he, by basically luck and some fortuitous events basically becomes held hostage. They like put them on house arrest at the hotel, hotel, Metropole. It's like fancy hotel. They put them like way up in the attic in a tiny, tiny room. Basically to satisfy the people that liked him. That's like, look, we're not killing him, but we're not going to let him leave. So he could like never leave the hotel. So that's kind of how it starts. So he's this very buttoned up older gentleman. I think he's like in his fifties or late forties when the book starts. And it spans decades. And it's him just going through these ups and downs and just constantly having a sense of dignity while knowing that you are out of control and totally stuck. Like that to me was huge. I was like, this is such a beautiful. Story, especially while like the pandemic is going on and things are being taken away from us. You might have people losing jobs, you're losing money, you're losing freedom. And this guy had went through all those things and granted, he's like the wealthy 1 percent of society when it starts, which just made it even worse to me when he loses like all that stuff, you know, but he's just had the, the brightness of his spirit was like, I need to figure out a way to be that person. Like, I don't want to be 70. And only happy if all of my little plans work out, you know, I want to be 70 and no matter if I'm wealthy, poor, like my job, don't like my job, whatever, like to be able to have some dignity and playfulness and like, just his ability to relish things, I'm like, to me, it's a lot of that, like one to seven thing. Like if I can get to that space, it's almost like you're untouchable in some ways, you know,

Steph Barron Hall: 58:54

Okay. I'm going to have to read that.

Colton: 58:55

it's so good. I hope you like it. I mean, now that I piped it, like, I think it's amazing.

Steph Barron Hall: 58:59

I think my sisters have read it, so I, and I think they probably liked it. So,

Colton: 59:03

Okay, cool.

Steph Barron Hall: 59:04

okay. Final question. Tell me a piece of advice that has really stuck with you.

Colton: 59:08

I love this quote from, I don't, I heard it from Roar. I think it's like a timeless quote. That's kind of, it's one of those, you know, those like quotes that gets passed around from philosopher to philosopher, and you don't really know who owns it after a while. But the, the motto, like we see the world as we are not at, as it is, it's really helpful for me with like a really critical brain to be like, this is broken, this sucks. Or like, this could be better. And it's like, that's not actually how that is, which is kind of a scary thing to check your reality that hard and go like, this is literally I'm the only one that sees that exactly the way I'm seeing it. Which is more of a commentary of how I'm doing personally. So for like all of my, like conflicts I've had with people throughout my life, it's like, you're seeing them as you are not as they are is like the first place I have to start with everything. Same thing with like, is the world a dangerous and fucked up place? You know, like, is it, or is that how I feel today? That's how I am. I feel like. A mess. And I feel messed up. So then I'm like, the world's dark. Why would you even bring kids into this world? You know, and I'll have those moods, you know, and you're like, this is a lot more to do with literally how I'm functioning on the inside and it took me like years and a lot of like anxiety attacks to figure that out, that it was like, it's not an external thing. It's not like, because my job is weird. And my boss is immature or whatever. Like I got here because of me. So,

Steph Barron Hall: 1:00:33

Yeah. And to recognize like what the Enneagram, I think that's what we're doing is like seeing, oh, this is the lens. This is the pinhole that I'm seeing the world through

Colton: 1:00:43

Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:00:43

and like expanding it.

Colton: 1:00:46

Yeah. And then it ties to like a sense of what my understanding of grace, which is like, if you're hoping for healing and change in your life and all these tools you've used to get here, you can't use those same tools to get out of it. So then you just, to me, it's that spiritual notion of like grace where you're like, all right, God, I, I need help. I can't, I literally can't, I can't change my view of reality, but I know it's messed up. So like I need it to change. So not to get a little preachy there at the end of your podcast, but,

Steph Barron Hall: 1:01:15

No, it's great. It's, it's really helpful. Okay, tell us where we can find you.

Colton: 1:01:20

You've got to type on YouTube is where I am pretty much all the time. If you've got comments, I will probably see them and respond to them. I'm rarely on Instagram. I use that mostly just to like push my videos out and I can really only handle one platform at a time. So yeah, you've got to type on YouTube.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:01:37

Cool. Well, thanks so much for joining me. This is so great.

Colton: 1:01:39

Thanks so much for having me. It's you go by Steph, but your name is Stephanie down here. So I was like,

Steph Barron Hall: 1:01:44

Oh, yeah. I forgot to change

Colton: 1:01:46

All right, cool. I was about to, I'm like, don't shortcut someone's name when you don't know them well enough to like throw out a nickname.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:01:52

Oh, no. Yeah,

Colton: 1:01:53

It's like when people call me Colt and I'm like, bold move. I like it.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:01:56

Okay.

Colton: 1:01:57

Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:01:58

Well, thanks so much.

Colton: 1:01:59

Thanks.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:02:01

Thanks so much for listening to Enneagram IRL. If you love the show, be sure to subscribe and leave us a rating and review. This is the easiest way to make sure new people find the show. And it's so helpful for a new podcast like this one, if you want to stay connected. Sign up for my email list in the show notes or message me on instagram at nine types co to tell me your one big takeaway from today's show I'd love to hear from you. I know there are a million podcasts you could have been listening to, and I feel so grateful that you chose to spend this time with me. Can't wait to meet you right back here for another episode of any grim IRL very soon. The Enneagram and real life podcast is a production of nine types co LLC. It's created and produced by Stephanie Barron hall. With editing support from Brandon Hall. And additional support from crits collaborations. Thanks to dr dream chip for our amazing theme song and you can also check out all of their music on spotify