Welcome to Enneagram and real life. The podcast where we explore how to apply our Enneagram knowledge in our daily lives. I'm your host, Stephanie Barron hall and on today's episode. I am going to give you a little bit of a tour into my brand new book. You may have heard that my new book Enneagram in real life is coming out on January 28th. So there are just a few days left to pre-order. But before you do, I would love to share a little bit about what's inside the book. Last week you heard the intro. And today I wanted to share a little bit about the content that I've included for each of the types and why. Like many Enneagram books. It's not written that you necessarily have to read every chapter in order. Some people love doing that, but I also know that a lot of people just flip straight to their chapter. So if that's you and that's totally fine, if it is. I want to share that the most important chapter for you to read first, that will kind of give you a lay of the land is chapter two, which is called how the system works. So in this chapter, I break down all of the concepts that I will cover later in the book. So for example, while I cover subtypes in the individual type chapters, And chapter two, I'm covering the instinct. So you understand what it looks like when, a certain instinct is dominant or repressed in general versus what it looks like when those instincts show up in the specific types. I also give some definitions for some of the concepts you'll explore later in the book. So for example, the thresholds concept or the passion, that depends mechanism, the virtue, those sorts of things that we need to understand to really get the Enneagram. But the book would be twice as long if I fully explain them in each of the type chapters. So in chapter two, your. You kind of get a blueprint of everything that's to come for all of the different pieces of the book, better in the tight chapters. So if you're the person who says, okay, I'm just going to flip right. To type six. Um, great. That's totally fine. But just make sure to read chapter two first. So throughout this book, the core emphasis is how to actually apply these concepts. For example, several of the types struggle with feeling their feelings. And so in each of those chapters, I have various ways to get more in touch with the heart center. These are practices I've already used in my own life or in my coaching or in my courses. And I've gotten feedback from others of the same type on how they land. So that's where I've kind of gone through that process of like really validating things And making sure that people get value from them. But there's no expectation that you'll do everything in your types chapter. And in fact, it's probably most helpful to start with one or two manageable practices. We're also different. And so without getting to coach you one-on-one, I can't really work through which practice. We'll be best for you as an individual, even if it might be something that people of your type have found helpful. So, this is kind of a way to provide you with various resources that you can draw upon to walk through your growth journey on your own. So here's an overview of the type chapters. So each chapter starts with a story. From somebody of that type. With the exception of type eight, which was a story that a friend. Actually told me on my podcast and I printed in the book with her permission. The rest of the stories came from these interviews that I did with people of each subtype. So when I was doing these interviews, um, and I did around 30 of them because sometimes people would say, oh, I'm this subtype. And then we'd get into the interview. And it would be like, okay, well maybe, maybe that's not exactly the most accurate type for you. So we would revisit, so I ended up repeating some of the subtypes. But when I was doing those interviews, I would. Hear a story that I felt really typified an experience that I'd heard from that type. Some of them, like the stories that I share for type three and type six are stories that I heard from a specific person, but I've heard over and over and over again over the years. From other threes or other sixes. And I really wanted to highlight that. I also really tried to highlight some different aspects of the types in these stories. So, for example, the story for type seven. Is really connected. To a different aspect of type seven than what we normally talk about. The type seven is actually a friend of mine. And I could tell all of these incredible seven-ish stories, but I really wanted to highlight the more cerebral nature and more problem solving nature of sevens, because I think we hear a lot about the fun and enthusiasm. But we don't always hear how that kind of positive thinking translates into their work life. And I wanted to show that side of type seven. In general, these stories aren't necessarily meant to say every person of this type would react this exact way. But to give you kind of a window into one person's life so that you can really understand in detail. What it sounds like to be inside their head. So that was a really fun process. And all of these interviews, I actually conducted via zoom, which I learned later is maybe atypical for a lot of books. I think a lot of books when they're getting this type of content. They give a written interview because it allows people to really put all of their quotes into kind of concise phrasing. But I loved the experience of doing them via zoom because. One, it was fun to just talk to people, but to. It was really valuable to me. To be able to unpack things Ask follow-up questions and really get a sense of each of the different subtypes. You may have heard me talk about before, how I regularly do typing interviews. In my business, which is nine types go. and I love those interviews and I have coaching clients and stuff as well. But because of the confidentiality of those relationships. I don't add examples from typing interviews and coaching sessions in the book, even though I have learned a lot of insights. About each of the types from those experiences. So the insights you'll see in the book are from the subtype interviews, podcasts interviews, I've done interactions I've had online or on Instagram and then workshops and corporate team events that I've done over the years. So that's a quick overview of the very opening of each chapter, which is those stories or those little vignettes. The next section is called how the type shows up and in this section, I'm covering some basics. So I have motivation and avoidance. Which are pretty standard in any grand parlance, but I also have a common misconception and some of the ways that they might've felt or showed up in childhood, the childhood portion is not meant to help you type necessarily. but there are common experiences that are through lines for each of the types. And so those are the ones that I focused on in that section. Next we have the thresholds concept. So if you're not familiar with this. This is a concept that I really developed through teaching and through talking about the Enneagram. So this came about because I was working with a team and. I realized that they were having some conflict and some problems because eights have a higher threshold for what feels like conflict than other people. So you can imagine if something, some interaction occurs. Below the aids conflict threshold, but above somebody else's conflict threshold. The eight walks away thinking we just had a great conversation and the other person walks away thinking. Oh, we're in a fight and I think that's so important and so helpful to know. Not only for eights to. Notice that in themselves and make sure they're checking in with people or, or kind of notice when they're getting a little bit heated, but for other people to, to recognize, oh, they're not mad at me and we can depersonalize this some, so it's, it's a piece that. Um, offers insight so that both people can be a little bit more. Accountable for their side of the interaction. So for each type. I have two high thresholds and two low thresholds. And the concept is explained thoroughly. Like I mentioned earlier in chapter two. Then we have the personality structure section in this section. I talked through. The passion, the defense mechanism and the virtue. There are other aspects of the types that I think fall under the personality structure. But these are the three that I think are most important for us to know, especially when we're like early to midway in our Enneagram journey. These are the ones that I think give us the most insight into the types. And these are the pieces that I see people misunderstanding. The most, which blocks them from really accessing all the Enneagram information and all the benefit they could otherwise gain from using the Enneagram. So these pieces, I think, are kind of the underpinnings and really give you a little bit more insight into some of the pieces we've already talked about. Like, The motivation and avoidance. these structural concepts kind of underpin those other concepts. And in this section, I also provide some basic ways to start recognizing your defense mechanism, your virtue and your passion. And I really wanted to make it concrete for people. So, instead of just saying, this is what it is. I also have a described, like, the passion of pride could look like, and then there's some examples or the virtue of veracity could look like, and there are some examples. So it helps you to understand how is this actually showing up for me? Now, these aren't all of the ways that it might show up, but they help you kind of explore that a little bit more, get more curious, be a little bit more creative. And understanding how that shows up in day-to-day life, because the whole point here is for it to be applicable. So then we have those pieces that are. You know, understanding how it is showing up and then some other, you know, reflection, questions, or activities that you can try. To access more of the virtue instead of only noticing the passion. So I want you to be able to notice the passion, but I also want you to be able to kind of grow and experience more of the virtue. Next we have subtypes. And in the subtypes, I have a subtype description. and then for each subtype, there's a specific growth stretch. That target some of the core issues that each subtype experiences. Then we move into the arrows. And I'm going to do a whole podcast episode actually on the arrows portion, because I think it's really important and helpful, but I don't see it as. Directly stress, arrow versus growth arrow. I have a different approach to it. And so I explained that both in chapter two and then in each of the type chapters. I know, find again, examples of how you might know, oh, I'm accessing this arrow or I'm accessing this arrow and then strategies how to intentionally build. The higher or kind of healthier side of each of the airlines. Then we have a communication and relationships, how to relate with each type, so for example, if we're talking about type eight, It says how to relate with an eight, but then it also has how to. Improve your own communication skills as an eight. Because again, I want this to be for you to use with your friends or your family. But also for you to use for yourself And to figure out some of the communication patterns you might've been. Relying on that might not be serving you anymore. And then finally the, the final section, which is actually maybe the largest section in the whole chapter is called growth in real life. And. A couple of examples of what's included here. Um, one is thought patterns that might be keeping you stuck. And these are actually based on the fixation. So if you're familiar with the Enneagram personality structure, You're familiar with the fixations. I didn't include them earlier in the personality structure. section, but the thought patterns that I'm listing here are loosely based on the fixations. And that's because While the passion of each type comes from the emotional center. The fixations come from the mental center. And so that's why, Both are included, but in different spaces, And then finally everyday practices. And these are anything from how to feel your feelings too. Experimenting with. Inviting somebody along with you to do something you enjoy. All sorts of different types of things that are relevant for the types that you can try. And they're not going to be. Exactly right for everyone, but maybe they'll give you some ideas on how to apply those things in your daily life. So. That's an overview of the chapters. And. The feedback that I've heard is that people feel like it's really applicable. which is my goal because I really want people to be able to take this and they'd be like, oh, I know what to do with this information now. Um, and that's a question I've always heard and that's something I wanted to answer with this book. So to wrap up this little tour of Enneagram in real life. I wanted to share one of the stories from one of the types. So, as you can imagine, I heard so many fantastic stories and it was actually difficult To narrow down, which one could end up in the book. Because initially when I started the writing process, I intended to include tons of these quotes and little snippets and vignettes and all of those different things. But over the process of writing the book, I had a few different editors, um, who were attached to the project at different points. And so some of these stories sadly got left on the cutting room floor. If you will. So I want to read you one of my favorites. Which is a firm type sex and this one didn't end up in the book, but I still think it's a great story and really. Recognizable for a lot of sixes and gives you a little bit of insight into this six, who is a self preservation, six. And thank you so much to Audrey for this fantastic window into what it looks like to be in any grim six. As an Enneagram six, Audrey loves the field prepared. Unfortunately. That sense of preparation is often accompanied by an endless mental loop of thoughts and ideas and concepts, each begging for exploration. Continual rethinking is intended to placate her busy mind. Though it more often solidifies uncertainty and shakiness. But crisis calms the mind in a way. Nothing else can. Audrey's cat gets into everything. He constantly needs mental stimulation and he looks for sensory and put wherever he can find it. A particular favorite of his, which is crunching on bits of plastic. Seem innocuous until one morning he threw up his breakfast and later refused dinner. Audrey immediately knew what had probably happened. Noted his symptoms and started to plan. As her boyfriend and co cat parent fell apart. Audrey formulated a decision tree. She gathered all information possible. What the cat ingested, how urgent the situation was, time of symptom onset. What time the vet opened, et cetera. She also took inventory of their busy schedules, the following day and noted which meetings were least urgent and could be shifted. All the information went into her decision tree. And she predicted where new information would come into play. Decision points and places to reevaluate the plan. Based on what the vet said at each step. She mapped out exactly how they approach the next eventuality in general. Audrey is not an overtly assertive person. She prefers to work behind the scenes and she likes taking care of things. But emergency situation. Audrey has no problem being directive. She's prepared and competent and more than willing to call the shots based on her careful plan. Monday morning came and Audrey executed her plan as expected. Audrey and her boyfriend, re-evaluated the plan at each decision point. And thanks two months of careful budgeting on their double PhD student income. They already had the money set aside to fund emergency surgery. As Audrey retells the story today, she conveys calm confidence and recalls how soothing it felt to sketch out versions of events. That could unfold and how she deal with each situation. After her cat surgery. She kept the plastic piece. They distracted both as recognition of her fortitude throughout the terrifying ordeal. And as a reminder, not to leave ingestible plastic bits, unattended. So that's just one example of the stories that open each chapter. And I love this one because it conveys how when called upon a lot of sixes. Really drill down and they think, okay, I know how to handle this. This is what I've been preparing for because everything's six is do is. There to mitigate, experiencing fear. They don't want to feel afraid. And so they do everything they possibly can. To avoid feeling afraid. So a lot of sixes we'll do this mental modeling piece and they, they map out things in their minds. But a lot of sixes also say that if they can get something out of their mind and put it on paper, whether that's on a Google doc or just. You know, on a scratch paper in front of them, if they can map all those things out, they feel a lot calmer. Feeling what the situation, plus, what I think is really impressive is being able to predict. At what points they will get information or they'll need to make decisions. They already know in advance when those things are coming. And I think that's really cool and really interesting and not a skill that everyone shares. So that is a quick overview of a six and you can read all the stories or listen to them. when you grabbed my book, which is called Enneagram in real life, if you're at all interested in the book. Please pre-order it really helps me as an author, but also you'll already have the book in front of you. If you'd like to attend our. Virtual book event, which is coming on January 30th. So stay tuned for that. I'll be sharing more information very soon, both on Instagram here and via email. And I think you'll get the most out of it. If you already have your book with you. So. Pre-order now wherever books are sold or ask your library to stock it. If you are a library person like me, and as always feel free to shoot me a DM on Instagram. If you have questions about the book or if there's a certain topic from the book that you want to hear more about and stay tuned for next week, because I have a classic podcast interview coming for you. And I'll be sharing a little bit more about the arrow section. Thanks again for listening and I'll find you back here very soon.