Hello, and welcome to Enneagram and real life. A podcast where we explore how to apply our Enneagram knowledge. In our daily lives. I'm your host, Stephanie Barron hall. And on today's episode, I have a little something different planned. So you may know that I have a new book coming out three weeks from today, January 28th, 2025. And. I wanted to share a little bit about the book and what inspired me to write it, and then also share a little bit of the book itself. So I'll be reading you an excerpt from the book later in the episode. Like many of you, I found the Enneagram through. Other people in my life recommending it to me and kind of inspiring me to check it out. And I immediately loved it and I wanted to learn everything I possibly could. So I started reading any ground books. And exploring and looking online and just finding all the resources I possibly could. And in those early explorations, I. Heard this advice, which I think is very good advice. Um, which is to study for at least two years before you start teaching the Enneagram. Now I think that's probably good advice for a lot of different things in life. but. On this particular topic, I really took it to heart because the Enneagram is so complex and there are so much to know and so much to understand, to really effectively teach and apply the concepts. So a few years later, when I started writing and teaching about the Enneagram in 2018, I was really, really invested in. Not only understanding this topic for myself, but really helping other people to understand it too, though. Of course, I still have so much more to learn and I think doing any grim work always requires that we constantly have this approach of learning and educating ourselves. Increasingly over time. So. A few years in to writing and teaching about the Enneagram. I noticed I was hearing the same question over and over, which is. I know my Instagram type. Now, what, like, what do I do with it? And I started talking with people a lot more about this question. So people would send this question, be it, um, DMS on Instagram, or ask him comments because they said, you know, you're pointing out of the shadow sides, but how do I not do this stuff anymore? and I think that's an excellent question and something that I had asked myself too. And. Over the years I'd gained all these skills and all of this information and insight into how do we actually do this? Like, how do we. kind of evolve from these stereotypical or average level. Behaviors and kind of move into the next part of our attorney. And so part of my training with the Enneagram, Included learning how to do typing interviews. So a typing interview is an interview. It's not like coaching. it's kind of like sitting down and taking an assessment, but the person asking you the questions is a person And. I get to ask all these follow up questions and just hear people's stories and get really curious about it. But it's a standardized set of questions that I use every time, which is really useful because. I get to here. So many people have the same type answer, the same question. and so I get all this data of, you know, what do people typically say about their type and their, their experience of being X type. At the end of these interviews, I say, well, the evidence points to. X type. And it's not to say, this is definitely your type, but from what you said, This is what I'm hearing. And I reflect back to them, some of the statements that they said, or some of the different points of why I'm leaning that direction. And so we go into type and subtype in that process. and then we have a conversation and a lot of the time, what I would hear back is if I type somebody as a one, for example, I feel like I just don't feel like I'm a perfectionist enough to be a one or three might say, I don't feel like I'm successful enough to be a three. And the problem was not that they weren't enough of those things. The problem was that they didn't have a deep enough understanding of all the inner workings of each Enneagram type to really be able to determine if the type really fit. And so I built a course. So it's called, any Ram in real life. It's a course. And it. Goes deep into every single type. And I ran it as a cohort the very first time. And I met with the participants every week and we had these discussion groups and, little workshops where we were really applying all of the different growth activities that were embedded in the course itself. And again, I heard the same thing. Which was, I didn't realize that this was part of the Instagram, or I didn't realize that this was part of my type. And again, that really helped me to understand. Okay. The problem is that. The information that we, a lot of us have available. Day-to-day. Is somewhat basic or somewhat shallow. And that that's understandable. That is kind of the nature of social media. And I know that's where a lot of people get any grim information. And so I wanted to make it even more clear and accessible and something really practical. Now. Does this mean that I wrote the shortest book imaginable? No, it doesn't because it turns out there's still a lot to be said about the Enneagram, but I really wanted to create a resource. That was something that I have needed throughout my process, which is I don't typically gravitate toward resources that have a spiritual or religious bent in them. now there are an eight spiritual aspects of the Enneagram, but, I don't tend to focus on those as much because generally in my day-to-day life with the Enneagram I teach in corporate spaces. And in corporate, you have to be practical. You have to be applicable. and not spiritual. And so that is a great fit for me. And what I realized was, that I wanted to provide more resources for people who were like me. So this book has been in the works for two and a half years. But I am really happy with how it turned out, because I really want to give you. A really in-depth guide. Now it doesn't have everything that you could possibly imagine about the Enneagram. There are certain aspects of the anagram that are not included. And that is actually for the sake of space and to make it accessible. So this book is for people who are brand new to any grant or for people who are, who have read a couple books already about the Enneagram. And they just want a different perspective. So in the process of writing the book, I interviewed at least one person of every single subtype, which is in addition to the hundreds of typing interviews I have conducted over the years. and so I really wanted to ask them specific pointed questions about. Themselves and how they see life and the way that they approach things. So in each chapter, you'll find a story from one of these individuals. And I'm so grateful to all of them, for sharing with me because the story is, really bring the types of life. I really want you to be able to understand more viscerally what it's like to be each type and some of the nuances that are there within the types. So later this month, I will be touching on each of the chapters. So I can give you more of an overview of what those entail. But for today, I wanted to share it the introduction. Now, I know some people skip introductions when they start a new book. Personally, I love an introduction. I love that story, that kind of frames the entire rest of the book. And I wanted to share mine with you. So this is me just reading it. Though, if you, if you love the way that it sounds, and you'd like to keep hearing more, I'm actually reading the audio book. So I've recorded the audio book and you can find that wherever you find audio books, um, and you'll hear my voice, uh, reading it to you. So hearsay introduction to any gram in real life. The door to my second floor, apartment swings wide, and I dragged myself over the threshold. Wariness creeps through my bones. With one glance, my husband jumps into action. His face stricken with concern. What do you need? He asks. Want me to draw you a bath? It's a struggle to even form words. Sure that sounds nice. Ion. By the time he returns. No more than five minutes later, I've collapsed in a heap on the entryway linoleum. Key's still in the door. I'm dead asleep. 15 hours earlier. I parked on San Julian street. It's early and most of Los Angeles is still asleep. So I don't even have to circle the block for a good spot. The morning is dark and still cool. As I grabbed my notebook and head inside the Los Angeles Flower Mart. My wedding floral design business I started as a hobby, but three years in I'm dedicating every hour of PTO for my nine to five job to it. Producing increasingly ambitious weddings. This Thursday morning pickup is standard for a Saturday wedding. So my favorite vendor has already prepared the bulk of my order on a tall cart. After brief hellos, I wander the rest of the vast warehouse crossing odds and ends off my list. Bits of texture and unique color ways. We'll add something special to the bouquets. I'll prepare over the next 48 hours. Once I found the perfect ranunculus and an enemies for the bouquets. I pack the bundles of greenery and florals into prepared five gallon buckets lining the trunk of my car. My favorite local coffee shop is still dark. So I hopped back on the five freeway and take the one 10 north. This wedding is special because I've known the bride for years and we've designed a beautifully personalized backyard wedding reception. All day Thursday, my bride's family and friends gathered to iron tablecloths, set up rented tables and chairs and wrap greenery into long lush garlands. It's also my first and only foray into event coordination. So I spend the afternoon coordinating. Vendor arrivals, delegating tasks and assembling foundational elements of the centerpieces and bouquets. By the end of the day, my Fitbit reading is over 25,000 steps. Only in my car on the 90 minute, drive back home, does my body begin to relax from the buzzing energy of the day. The following days, we'll sustain the same frenetic pace. In retrospect, my husband was alarmed by my falling asleep on the floor, but he wasn't surprised. By that point. He'd seen this cycle of many times, the thrill of this work kept me hooked. I embraced the hard deadlines and the ability to create something beautiful and tangible. But working a full-time job. In addition to building a wedding business was unsustainable. I didn't know it then, but I had just begun my penultimate wedding season. This event coincided with my early any grim learnings. I was just waking up to my tendency to place all my worth in my productivity and how impressive others found me. I'd always chased the magical warmth of success. There is something about it that made me feel proud and glowing accepted. Like I finally belonged. So when I found a creative outlet that people would admire in photos for years to come, something that would feature my work. And my favorite publications like style me pretty and green wedding shoes. I leaped headlong. I knew enough about the Enneagram to know. That as a type three, I excelled one challenged. I love to work hard and bask in the glory of a project. Well done. My mantra was if you're not falling over at the end of the day, you haven't worked hard yet. The first time I heard Bernay brown referred to exhaustion as a status symbol, we wear as a badge of honor, I thought, how is that a bad thing? I was what I now call a hustle monster. In the midst of all this, I didn't truly know myself. I simply didn't have time to, when I started learning more about the Enneagram, I was shocked. I thought I was in tune with my emotions. I thought I was gentle and kind and compassionate. But the people around me mostly received a too busy version of me who delegated tasks, because you don't have much going on this weekend. Do you, babe? What's yours is mine, including your time. In short, I was a less people oriented version of Leslie Knope. In other words, kind of a nightmare. Soon, the tenuous balance I constructed came crashing down. It wasn't the first time I learned this lesson. I was even more intense before I came down with shingles. After a series of all nighters working on a ninth grade English project. Nor would it be the last. Burnout hit me in a wave and I simply couldn't care anymore. I was too sleep deprived and exhausted to care. If I booked more weddings. The crushing weight of saying yes too often and no, almost never left me depleted. Wrung dry. I didn't want to carry any more buckets up three flights of stairs. A bride who asked for a daily proposal update was the final nail in the coffin. I announced I was not taking any more weddings, abandoned my inbox and went on a non-work-related vacation for the first time in years. During this time, I started reading about the Enneagram beyond the basics. I learned that flaming out is inevitable when you're burning the candle at both ends. I learned that my friends could see through the facade I'd subconsciously created and dutifully upheld. Early in life I'd been labeled as the sensitive one. Though I would now describe my young self as perceptive image conscious or fearful. So I thought I had a natural connection to my emotional realm. But I've learned that being sensitive and expressing big emotions because your system can no longer bottle them. Is not the same as having a deep sense of emotional awareness. While the achiever moniker, ascribed to Enneagram threes immediately resonated. Accepting this label allowed me to question my assumptions about myself and the world around me. Studying the Enneagram became a mirror for me. If a friend had said. Steph, you tend to shift how you present yourself, depending on who you're around. It sometimes makes me wonder what you really think. And what's important to you. I probably would have rejected the notion outright. But reading about this type three archetype allowed me to recognize traits that resonated and get curious about traits that didn't. Instead of rejecting a trait. I started to ask. Hmm. Do I do that? The depersonalization offered enough space that I could observe these ideas without defensiveness, thereby opening the path for inner work ahead. In the intervening years. I've learned more about myself and more about the Enneagram. In 2017, I started nine types co an Instagram account dedicated to selling any grim specific coffee mugs. They were great gifts, but soon I recognized that people followed and shared my posts more. What I talked about the Instagram tool itself. In 2018. I began teaching the Enneagram and team and small group settings. Drawing on my past experience, leading teams and using personality tools for professional development. But at the end of the year, I had a semester of a masters degree in strategic and organizational communication and leadership under my belt. And I'd completed my first, any gram certification. Writing about the Enneagram became a fun pastime. And not nearly as demanding as my years as a wedding florist. As my account on Instagram grew. So did my knowledge of the Enneagram. I crowdsourced responses to questions and then compare the answers to well-established any grub texts on my shelf. Throughout my graduate studies, I focus on self knowledge as a path for improved intra and interpersonal communication. By 2022, I'd completed training with integrative nine Enneagram solutions. And later that year, I graduated from the Chestnut Paice Enneagram academy, to date. I've worked with thousands of individuals on six continents. And dozens of companies who use the Enneagram to improve organizational effectiveness through stronger teams and productive communication. Through this work, I found that the challenge with the Instagram is twofold. The first is that it's a complex system that looks deceptively simple. It's just nine numbers. How hard could that be? As we'll explore later in this book, there's a lot more to the Enneagram than that. When working with typing and coaching clients. I hear a lot of stereotypes, assumptions about specific types. And sometimes these are holding the client back from truly understanding themselves. The second is that tools for real life application have historically been sparse. In my years, working with the Enneagram, both personally and professionally, I've heard the same question time. And again, I know my type, but what do I do with it? Advice can be abstract in part because everyone is different and tailored. Coaching requires a one-to-one relationship. But there is a middle way. And this book is designed to offer you practical, actionable tools that have worked for me and my clients. That's why I wrote this book. Because I know that understanding yourself through the Enneagram will change your life. If you apply it. I've seen it happen time. And again, It starts with a glimmer of insight. That moment of awareness. Oh, that's why I do that. Or the realization that your spouse is not using your very last nerve as a tight rope on purpose. They just see the world from a different lens. Or the alarming recognition that your way of leading is sending you, our employees are running for the Hills resulting in cycles of burnout and constant turnover. This is where our work begins. That's not to say consciousness of these dynamics brings instantaneous change. My life story. It features many cycles of burnout. The latest of which occurred while writing this book. It was as most sophisticated scholars might say. A doozy. Which led to a deep depression and many months of feeling unrecognizable to myself. The sinkhole of hopelessness nearly swallowed me whole. What emerged was a new understanding of myself and what I value. The quest for admiration, so central to the Enneagram three psyche. Comes at the cost of an essential concept of self. Until we have these seismic events in our lives. It can feel foreign for a three to have a clear sense of identity or worth unrelated to the perceptions and expectations of others. I will never discount the unbearable darkness of depression. Yet I can see how that seasons shifted my perspective and allowed more clarity in my own identity and unshakeable innate worth. My first draft of this introduction submitted on the brink of burnout. Was a succinct and polished story. I thought that made me credible. But here's what I know now. A year later. I am a full human with flaws and gifts and strengths and humor and mistakes. I allow myself to be imperfect and still in progress. And I invite you to do the same. Above all. I consider myself a student of the Enneagram on an inner work journey. Just like you. Throughout the years, I've wrestled with my own process to. While much of my growth work has centered Enneagram specific coaching in our work retreats and other activities. Working with licensed mental health professionals has been instrumental in my progress. The Enneagram is an incredible tool, but it's not the be all and end all for inner work. In my experience, all these different angles can work in concert. This book is filled with exercises to challenge and support you on your path. But please consult with your personal mental health care provider. If you are uncomfortable or uncertain about any of the practices offered, if you're able to access therapy, I've also included some resources for affordable therapy in the resource guide. Which can be found in the end notes. As we embark on this journey together. You'll move beyond the basics of the Enneagram to embrace growth, oriented, learning, and actionable change. This book will equip you with the skills you need to apply the Enneagram in your real life. But here's the thing. To get the most from this book, you'll need to put it into action. Passively absorbing information. Won't move the needle. This book is all about the trial and error process of discovering the best way to apply the Enneagram in your life. Thank you. For entrusting me as a guide on your any grim journey. I can't wait to see where it takes you. Always in your corner. Steph. So there you have it, the introduction to any grim in real life. And. If you are interested at all in the book, I would love it. If you would. Pre-order. Pre-ordering is one of the things that is most helpful for authors because it indicates to the publisher, Hey, I'm interested in this book. And then all of those numbers, all of the pre-order numbers are included in the first week of sales. And it's a fantastic way if you really like the podcast or if you like my Instagram, or you're just curious about the Enneagram, it's a fantastic way to delve into it. Um, to support my work. If you're not able to do that, but you still want to read it. Be sure to check it out at your local library and request it. if it's not already available there, so you can grab the ebook, the hardback or the audio book. All three of those are excellent ways to support, to purchase the book or to learn more, you can go to nine types.co. And click on the banner at the top that says book. Or you could just Google Enneagram in real life by Stephanie Barron hall. And you can find the book, wherever books are sold. And if you want a specific chapter. So if you can imagine, you know, I want to know this about your book there. I want to hear a little bit from this chapter. Shoot me a DM on Instagram and I'll tally up the responses and I'll read you a little bit more. Next week. So I hope you enjoy the rest of the week and I'll have a new interview out for you soon.

Thanks so much for listening to Enneagram IRL. If you love the show, be sure to subscribe and leave us a rating and review. This is the easiest way to make sure new people find the show. And it's so helpful for a new podcast like this one, if you want to stay connected. Sign up for my email list in the show notes or message me on instagram at nine types co to tell me your one big takeaway from today's show I'd love to hear from you. I know there are a million podcasts you could have been listening to, and I feel so grateful that you chose to spend this time with me. Can't wait to meet you right back here for another episode of any grim IRL very soon. The Enneagram and real life podcast is a production of nine types co LLC. It's created and produced by Stephanie Barron hall. With editing support from Brandon Hall. And additional support from crits collaborations. Thanks to dr dream chip for our amazing theme song and you can also check out all of their music on spotify