The True Meaning of Control as an Enneagram 8 with Lauren Cañafranca

Lauren Canafranca: 1:30

my mom always sort of says, sometimes your job is to be the witness and not the fixer of people's lives. And so our intention as an eight, and, and you, you talk about this and I love it and I say it all the time, but like that marshmallow wrapped in barbed wire. The insides, the intention is so good and pure and like it's motivated by, I don't want you to be harmed. You know, like, I don't want me to be harmed. I don't want, I want everybody to be safe and okay. And sometimes it limits us from allowing people in our lives to be seen by us. And because we're so strong and because we're so, um, protective, people can feel really safe with us. If we allow for there to be safety, you know, the people that you want to help and, and be close with the most are not going to be able to be close to you if you are solving their problems,

Samson Q2U Microphone: 2:39

welcome back to Enneagram in real life, a podcast where we explore how to apply our Enneagram knowledge in our daily lives. I'm your host Steph barren hall. And today you've already heard a snippet of this excellent episode. So I'm speaking with. Lorena Kenya franca and Lauryn is an accredited financial counselor and Canada. Uh, speaker and a joyful money coach. And she specializes in serving those who have variable income and anyone who's looking to develop a stronger relationship with their money. Lorena Is an Enneagram eight and a rugby coach, as well as a mother to three. So on today's episode, we'll be talking all about how she explored her Enneagram type, how she really found her Enneagram type and felt at home with it. And then how she actually kind of applies her any grabbed knowledge in her work as a money coach. Lauren shares her story about going from. Six figures of debt. And. Transforming. Not only her financial life, but also her career and how she is a helper and, uh, the strongest sense of the word. Uh, as many Enneagram eights actually are. So, especially if you are familiar with the subtypes, socialites of. Quite often find themselves in helping professions. So in this episode, we're going to talk about, What control really means for an Enneagram eight. A more gentle perspective toward financial health. Financial health as self care and Lorenzo experience working with clients as well as how to connect with her. And you might've noticed at the top that Lauren mentioned that marshmallow wrapped in barbed wire. Which I have heard most often from my teacher at Beatrice Chestnut. So with that said, I want to make sure you know where to contact. Lauren, if you're interested in working with her, if you're somebody like me who has a lot of variable income, um, then Lorena is a great place to look for resources and to work. One-on-one. So her website is L B coaching.com. So it's E L B I E. coaching.com and she's on Instagram at L B E L B I E dot coaching. And you can also find all of those links in the show notes. So without further ado here is our lovely Enneagram eight this week. Lauryn Kenya franca.

Steph Barron Hall: 5:01

Well, welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited for you to be here.

Lauren Canafranca: 5:04

Oh, thank you for having me. I'm excited as well.

Steph Barron Hall: 5:07

I would love to chat a little bit, um, about your background, because I know that you are a financial coach and you're gonna have to like, give me some, some more, not financial coach, right? That's not right.

Lauren Canafranca: 5:22

I'm a financial coach, but I'm also a counselor, so I, I say counselor first and then coach second.

Steph Barron Hall: 5:28

Okay, cool. so you're gonna have to give us like the rundown on all of that, and I'd love to also hear a little bit, about your Enneagram type and where that came along in your journey. I know a little bit about your, your background, um, but I'm excited to hear more.

Lauren Canafranca: 5:44

Yeah. Um, well, my name's Lauren Kenya Franca, and I am an accredited financial counselor Canada. So that means I have a specialization in Canadian finance and I come to money sort of from a counselor's perspective, uh, versus sort of the, uh, business side of money coaching, which is like, go get'em. And I'm more about the touchy feely, let's try to surrender some of the shame that we have around this thing that everybody kind of has to deal with all the time, uh, and, and do it without judgment of ourself, of others of our circumstance. Um, and then, and then I call myself a joyful money coach because sometimes people are looking, you know, the, the line between counseling and therapy. We wanna sort of stay, but, you know, on the line between counseling and coach. So we wanna stay on that side. We can't really help with, um, anything that's a, you know, considered, uh, dysfunction or, or a condition of, uh, like financial anxiety or condition of enmeshment or something like that. Is, is outside of my scope. So I focus on security, gratitude, and joy with money. And, um, I got here because of my own experience with money, my own financial journey. And I don't know if I'm saying my type right away, but,

Steph Barron Hall: 7:08

Go for it.

Lauren Canafranca: 7:08

like an eight. Uh, instead of looking up and identifying that I'm in trouble here financially, I have six figures of debt. I'm about to have a my third child. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Instead of letting anyone know I was having a hard time or struggling. Uh, I decided, or heaven forbid, ask for help and receive it. I decided to study personal finance very con considerably. I thought, you know, I'll just learn everything there is to know about it and I'll use my anger to fuel that journey and I will dive into cashflow theory and I will learn everything that there is to know about fixing this situation. I'm not going to go ask for help from somebody who could help me. Uh, I'll just do it myself. And that was a long journey into sort of from like avoidance, which is my wing, and just sort of like blinders on, uh, to the situation to like suffocating control. Like, I'm gonna like manage every single penny and I'm going to, I. Tear down anyone who gets in my way, including my partner, including my, you know, my family. Like, no, you can't spend$4 on a drink. Like, absolutely not. We are fixing this thing. We got into this mess. We're gonna get outta this mess. And it was just such a horrifying, uh, 18 months that I spent sort of in that, in that state of just like blind rage. Just blind rage. And eventually the nice thing about anger is anger eventually burns out eventually you get too tired to be so angry and you go, how? Yeah, I'm, you know, I paid off$30,000 of debt. I still have$70,000 of debt. And like, like I, I don't have enough energy to keep going like this. So there has to be a gentler way or a different way. And sort of around that time is when I discovered the Enneagram.

Steph Barron Hall: 9:15

Mm-hmm. And then you're like, oh, I see what's happening here.

Lauren Canafranca: 9:19

boy. Yeah, no, the Enneagram was like, it was one of those things that you can't unsee it. I was the stereotypical, when I took a test, it was like one of those free online tests and it gives you, you know, the numbers one to nine.'cause we have all the types within us, but we have our propensities and I was like 91% an eight and no other number even broke 60%. Like it was just like, there was like this little bar and this like stuck straight out. And I was like, okay. And it was one of those sites that doesn't really tell you anything about it. Um, it just sort of gives you the outline. And then I had to go do some digging later and I was like, oh no.

Steph Barron Hall: 10:01

Yeah,

Lauren Canafranca: 10:02

Oh no. So, uh, I think, you know, we'll talk about it, but I think that it sort of, I. It was absolutely a turning point in my life, discovering this Enneagram and discovering who, like the other numbers that were around me and who I allowed in my circle, uh, and who would trigger me and, you know, um, really resonated with that body type, that anger, uh, those sorts of things and, and identifying like, oh, those, you know, the heart types really trigger me.

Steph Barron Hall: 10:37

yeah, Yeah. Ooh, we'll get into that.

Lauren Canafranca: 10:40

Yeah. It's gonna be spicy,

Steph Barron Hall: 10:42

Um, no, I, I do wanna jump back really quickly to something that you mentioned. Um,'cause you're in Canada. I can't remember which area though.

Lauren Canafranca: 10:51

I mean, in Alberta, don't tell anybody.

Steph Barron Hall: 10:55

Well, uh,

Lauren Canafranca: 10:57

Texas of Canada.

Steph Barron Hall: 10:59

well, I'm from Texas, so there we go. we're,

Lauren Canafranca: 11:01

we're, then we're alike. Yeah, we're like,

Steph Barron Hall: 11:04

yeah. Um, but I'm curious, because I think in the United States we actually put like a counselor on the therapy side of the line and coach on the other side. But it sounds like, and I've heard this from other people, um, from Canada, but like counseling and coaching are more similar, like counseling's not regulated versus therapy.

Lauren Canafranca: 11:25

Yeah, it's, it's like that. Um, we do have licensed counselors. Um, I'm an accredited counselor, so it's like, there's like a small count. Therapy is very protected and counselor's not as protected. And so, and it's, uh, the difference being that I can really make suggestions and give you, uh, like direct instructions about what I think might help versus therapy is really more of that exploration of self and, and you do get, uh, advice and things in therapy, but we can't give that sort of advice.

Steph Barron Hall: 11:55

Like trauma work and, and,

Lauren Canafranca: 11:57

Yeah. Yeah. Like I can't really touch that. I can't really say like, I'll help you with your financial trauma. We might talk about where you're, you know, from your childhood things, how money was talked about and how that might be showing up in your relationships now, but that's gonna be totally driven by you and not necessarily, um, I'm not necessarily going to be able to say, like, I can fix that. I might even refer you out to someone. If I, if there's something that's sticking out that keeps coming up, I might have to say, you know, this is something that you could bring to a therapist and I think you'd benefit a lot from it.

Steph Barron Hall: 12:30

Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of how I, I approach those things too. It, it can be really challenging because especially when you're working with something, uh, That is so emotional, like no matter what anyone says, money is emotional,

Lauren Canafranca: 12:41

oh, yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 12:42

you know?

Lauren Canafranca: 12:44

yeah, 5% tactical and 95% emotional. Like it is totally emotional. Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 12:51

And the Enneagram too. And so you're delving into those topics naturally. And so you have to be really ethical about it. And, and that can, um, I mean, it's been a thing that I've just had to release. I don't know what it's like for you, but over the past couple years, I've just had to be like, you know what? I don't have answers.

Lauren Canafranca: 13:08

Mm-hmm.

Steph Barron Hall: 13:08

good questions. Um, and I can help you on these different things, but like, I'm not gonna be able to solve your, your trauma. And like that is okay, because that's not my role, you know? Um, I've just having a lot more humility, um, with all of that.

Lauren Canafranca: 13:23

Yeah. I started, um, coaching rugby this year and all of the, like, like, you know, athletic coach programs and training that I've taken really is like, are you coach centered or are you player centered? And your player, or your client has a lot of the answers already. They just need a place, a safe place to be able to process'em. Maybe for the first time out loud, you know, to be able to actually identify, oh, I didn't even realize how much anxiety that was causing me, or I didn't even realize how that was affecting my marriage, or my French, my relationship with my sister, or my relationship with my friends who make more money than me, or whatever it is. I didn't even notice.

Steph Barron Hall: 14:08

Yeah. And then, then, then the real work begins, right?

Lauren Canafranca: 14:11

Oh boy. Yeah, it's like, then you find out the Enneagram, you find out your Enneagram type, and then you have a little meltdown and then the work begins. Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 14:21

So can you tell me a little bit about what you were doing before you kind of delved into this, um, into the financial counseling, um, aspect of your business? And then I'd love to hear a little bit more about like kind of how you work with this, with your clients.

Lauren Canafranca: 14:36

Yeah. Um, well, I, before I did financial counseling, I was a massage therapist. So it's sort of, um, I think as an eight, you sort of like the power differential of like, I will help you and you will tell me your problems. And, uh, and so I, I did a lot of that sort of like massage therapy therapy in those rooms. And the biggest or most common thing that people who are willing to be vulnerable with me would share was, you know, I have no idea what I'm doing with my money. Or, I've filed bankruptcy and they're, I'm about to be released from this and I am terrified. I have no idea. I just feel like I'm gonna get, go straight back here. Like, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Steph Barron Hall: 15:24

Hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 15:24

And to me, the, it, it felt like a really natural, because I was sort of going through my own journey and I could relate to that. It, it felt like a really natural next step for my helping journey. You know, you can only massage for so long. Um, but I, I discovered, um, The Enneagram through Chelsea Handler. Um, she, I've always like, related to Chelsea Handler I love. She was, yeah, she was like, had her show. Um, and then she like freaked out during the Trump administration and like quit her show. And she wrote the book, life will be The Death of Me. And that's the first place I really ever heard of the Enneagram. And I was like, oh, that's so interesting. And so I listened to her podcast and her psychiatrist, Dan Siegel was on, and he talks about like patterns of developmental pathways or something. He was really talking about the Enneagram from like a brain perspective. And that got my, peaked my interest because I had never really related to personality typing before. Like Meyer's, like nothing's ever been like, oh, I'm very awake now. Um, but the, this Enneagram is why I took a test and, and really it really piqued my interest and, um, I went around this time, I went camping with my family. And this is where like, it was like, okay, like this is sort of, I have this little, I'm an eight. Yeah. Okay. But I, I went camping and it was a, the springtime and the river where my parents have a, uh, some property was flooding. And, uh, there were these geese that were nested across the river. And every hour, you know, the water is rising. And I'm so stressed about these geese eggs that are across the river. Like, I just can't, I was like, oh, I like couldn't sit down. I was so, I was like, what am I gonna do? Like, how am I gonna fix this? Like, I need to fix this situation. I can't tolerate it. And nightfall comes and I have to try to sleep and I'm not sleeping. And I get up in the morning and I make a coffee and I go outside and I look and the geese have hatched. And I was like, oh good. Like, now I can relax. Right? Like now they can just like, Go to higher ground, everything will be fine. And I'm watching, and this little geese family, goose, family, I don't know, uh, get on the river, they just like brand new babies, like hatched overnight or this morning, let's just like go for a swim on this river that's historically as high as it's ever been. It's like raging and they just like jump on. And so I like drop my coffee and I'm running down the river bank, which is a ridiculous choice. Um, and I'm yelling at my family like, I got so mad. I'm immediately like, projecting. I'm like, stupid. Dad. Go. Like, I just was like, why would you do this? And I'm yelling at my family like, dad, we gotta get that gate. Like, I'm screaming at everybody, like, anybody like outta my way, I'm, I don't know. I'm going to swim across a raging river to a web footed bird. And I. Who's notoriously mean and save the day. Like, I don't know what I was exactly planning, but that fight or flight was like, I'm going to rescue this situation. And my, and I got to the end of the bank where I could sort of like, as far as I could run, and the geese just like got off the river and tootled up the other bank and I was just like sweating. And I was like, like you idiots. Like I was so mad at these geese. And my dad came up to me and, which is very annoying'cause he's very insightful. And he said, I honey, what would've happened if you weren't here? And in that moment I was like, what? Like what do you mean? Like, what kind of question? Why would you ask me that right now? Like, and he's like, they're gonna have to fly thousands of kilometers and you are not gonna be able to control it. And it, honestly, I was 30, 30, 31, I can't even remember now. And it was the first time in my life that I had the realization that I might be controlling.

Steph Barron Hall: 19:47

Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 19:49

And I remember calling my husband'cause he was at home and I was like, honey, I think I might be controlling. And he's just quiet, you know, like, and I was like, hun. And he's like, yeah, like of course you are. Like, what do you mean? And I was like, no, like I think I might have a control problem. And he was like, oh yeah, of course you do. And, and that was like, at the time, felt a little bit like a betrayal because like, why wouldn't you tell me that?

Steph Barron Hall: 20:27

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 20:28

Like, if I was that unaware, why would you? Not say something like, I've been walking around with mud on my face my whole life, our whole relationship, and you didn't tell me. And he's like, well, honey, control, people who have control issues don't usually like being told they have control issues. I was like, you know, like eventually I sort of came around to that, but it's, it's control in a different way than maybe like what I thought control was. It's not necessarily control in the like staple it like this and fold it like this and put it here and you have to cook it this way. It's more like, it's too vulnerable for me to witness you in pain or suffering, so I'm gonna need you to move out of the way and I'm gonna fix it.

Steph Barron Hall: 21:18

Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 21:18

Right. It's, it's control in the, I can't allow you to help me because then I'm gonna be obligated to you and like, when does that end? Like I, I don't like that. I don't like this sort of strings attached to our interactions. Um, and eventually I learned sort of more recently that it's control in the way that I am a bit of an underachiever because then I can control the outcome of that, right? The perfectionism of, I just won't even start that because then I know what the outcome's gonna be. And that might be a bit of a nine wing thing where it's a little bit avoidant and a little bit of that. But I always sort of saw control more as a one like that perfectionist, like it has to be just right, um, sort of sense of control. And so that for me, um, has sort of been the biggest revelation and that's why it was, is such a turning point in my life, was identifying like how I was being perceived by others. When I sort of viewed it as like helping and fixing and like sorting it out, you know, it was, it was that sort of a, a version of what I thought I was doing.

Steph Barron Hall: 22:41

What was it like for him to hear you have that revelation?

Lauren Canafranca: 22:47

I think for him it, and since then it's been a really valuable experience for our relationship. Um, I think he was just really confused. Like he was really surprised that I, I was so unaware'cause I would've argued that I was self-aware. I would've argued that I was laid back even. And that just like makes people laugh. Now when I say that and like now they're like, you like can be chilled, but you're not laid back. Like that would never come up and that's. You know how I would identify myself, I would've said that before. And how my husband would identify, I asked him recently, like, how would you describe me in three words? And he said, uh, loving, intense. And I was like, okay.

Steph Barron Hall: 23:42

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 23:43

and then he said, and now I think empathetic.

Steph Barron Hall: 23:48

Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 23:48

But a lot of years ago, it would've just been like a little bossy, a little pushy, you know, controlling

Steph Barron Hall: 23:59

yeah. Well, and I can see how that, that can, like what you felt like compassion or like the feeling that you had even, I think it's, you know, doing something so physical, like being a massage therapist, not only the power differential that you mentioned, but also like using your body

Lauren Canafranca: 24:16

Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 24:16

to instill like health and wellness into somebody else's body.

Lauren Canafranca: 24:20

Yeah,

Steph Barron Hall: 24:21

And you're like, I'm compassionate. I am fixing it,

Lauren Canafranca: 24:25

I'm a helper.

Steph Barron Hall: 24:26

now you're like, no. Yeah. But now you're like, no, I, empathy is being with this person

Lauren Canafranca: 24:32

Mm-hmm.

Steph Barron Hall: 24:34

it.

Lauren Canafranca: 24:35

Empathy is witnessing this

Steph Barron Hall: 24:37

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 24:38

and more. I always, you know, surrender is a little bit too, not a word, I'm quite ready to embrace, but like, allow is sort of where I go. And even just, you know, in the physical body when you're trying to remove stress, you can like hammer it, which creates more stress on the body, or you can approach it, you know, a little more from the side and allow the body to respond to that touch. And you're gonna get way more of a, of a positive outcome. And the same thing with money. You can go from completely ignoring it to hammering your budget and. Never letting anybody have any fun and saying no to everything. Or you can try to find a middle ground and take gentle steps in the direction you're trying to head rather than going full steam

Steph Barron Hall: 25:29

Yeah. Yeah. How did you, like, was this Enneagram thing then the transition for you, because you were so like. Forgive me if this is like a swear word, but it was a little Dave Ramsey esque

Lauren Canafranca: 25:44

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it, I, it is a swear word. Um, I am not a Dave Ramsey fan, and I never really went full Dave Ramsey. That was though one of the first personal finance people that I ran into because his entity is so big in the personal finance world. But because I, I don't sort of identify as Christian, it never really resonated in the same way. I think I sort of, uh, got a little lucky that way. Um, but I did do the, You got to do nothing but pay your debt. You made this, you need to suffer until you've paid your debts. You know? And, and I did, I did kind of take that on. Uh, and then it took a, it took meeting different financial professionals like Dr. Michael Thomas, who is uh, uh, an instructor. I don't wanna say if he's an instructor or if he's a professor. I think he's a professor at Georgia Tech, I think. And he talks about financial empathy and Lindsey Bryan pod van of Mind money balance, talking about financial anxiety and this shame-free approach and that you don't have to do it so angry. And that was, they were really sort of, they're sort of models that I kind of use and, and we can approach this in a, in a way where it's centered around the person and not centered around the like tactical outcome. Of the dollars and cents.

Steph Barron Hall: 27:15

yeah,

Lauren Canafranca: 27:16

cause we don't all have to have perfect financial books. We need to be able to approach our money and feel safe doing so.

Steph Barron Hall: 27:23

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, I think that that makes a lot of sense, because when I hear I, I'm pretty sure that I've, I've heard that Dave Ramsey's an eight. Um, and when you hear the fixation of vengeance, which actually I, one of the financial people that I really like are Meet Sethi. I, I think that he's also an eight,

Lauren Canafranca: 27:43

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I, I believe that.

Steph Barron Hall: 27:47

Uh, but you, you see a very different version of, of eight, right? Because different education, different things they've done. Um, but like you see a lot of the vengeance in the way, and I'm like, afraid. Actually. Now I'm like, should I talk about Dave Ramsey?

Lauren Canafranca: 28:05

Yeah. There are some, some fans. Yeah, there's some

Steph Barron Hall: 28:08

knows? Uh, I'm not saying like, Do whatever works for you. Anyone can find help and, and guidance in anything. But like, I think what we're talking about is like people who that approach doesn't really work for, or it's like filled with toxic shame, in which case we need to do something else. Right.

Lauren Canafranca: 28:26

Yeah. Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 28:29

and I, I think that makes a lot of sense for you to be like, okay, let's have a different approach with this. Um, because it sounds like it's also a lot more effective for yourself and for your clients.

Lauren Canafranca: 28:45

C certainly it, uh, is more long lasting

Steph Barron Hall: 28:48

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 28:49

right there. It's, you know, a akin to dieting. It's akin to and, and diet culture, money culture, and diet culture and like all of the health iss and it, it becomes so individualistic. And if you aren't disciplined enough, then you're failure. And it's like, actually there's so many variables and money is so intertwined in all of our relationships, in all parts of our life that how could you possibly be, feel like you could just put this box around it and it's dollars in and dollars out, when really it's like, no, there's, there's emergencies and there's, um, different cultural requirements and there's different sociological and systemic issues that we have with money that we can't point to just ourselves. And I can't point at you and I can't point at me and say this is how it's gonna be. It's a more, you know, everybody hates this word, but more like of a journey of, of developing a relationship that's reciprocal with money versus I'm the commander of this thing, which would be so much easier, wouldn't it? But, uh, it's just not the case.

Steph Barron Hall: 30:03

right. Yeah. Um, and I, I, I mean, I think that that's like one of the really important things about all of these types of things that you're mentioning, like diet culture or whatever else, because it's like, well, what actually will work right in a sustainable way, in real life, not just theoretically. Um, but also something you that you have mentioned before is, um, and even when we've talked previously is about like, yes, the concept of empathy, but also the concept of boundaries. And one thing I love about my eight friends is, um, we just have like, like I can be like, oh, you know, what about this, this, this. And my eight, one of my closest friends is an eight. And she'll just be like, that's not for you to decide. That is not what we say. It ain't your shit to shovel.

Lauren Canafranca: 30:54

Yeah. Yes.

Steph Barron Hall: 30:55

it's just not, it's not your problem. Right. And, um, I think that's really helpful for me, you know, as a heart type because I'm like, And the heart type who also has that same, let me fix it energy. Like everything that gets done is up to me. Right? Like my fixation is all about that, right? Of like, I am the separate doer. I'm the one who makes things happen. Um, and I think that boundaries around money can be hard because sometimes we think more in the self-discipline, self-control, like the more pur, puritanical like perspective of it. But you're developing like something different with these boundaries. And I'm wondering how you bring that into your work with your clients.

Lauren Canafranca: 31:45

Certainly. I think, you know, initially when I started working with clients, um, my, my type I think was something I, I felt like I had to overcome. I did a lot of pro bono work and a lot of like, will you let me try this with you? Um, because I had a lot of like, When people would say things similar like to your friend, like, well, that's not your problem. Like, it, it would come across like a little bit too sharp, uh, for people. Like, like, I have to do this. No, you don't Like, no. Like, it, it was just like a little bit too blunt, a little bit, you should do this. Just do this. Like, like, it was so simple to me. And then I would just say that to them. And it doesn't always get received well when you do that, when it's so obvious to you and, and so nuanced to them because obviously you're not the person experiencing that thing. Um, and so I think boundaries, when I'm working with a client, what eights are so strong at is I'm not gonna take on your stuff like a heart-centered person, like a a two might do. I'm not like, again, your shit is not mine. Disheveled, I'm not gonna take on. What your struggle is. So I'm, I'm quite good at separating time in a session with the rest of my life. I'm not caring too, too long, and I think I, I'm able to eventually ask questions and really worked on like curiosity, um, and making sure that I was asking questions before I was solving other people's problems. Um, and for, for example, someone that maybe is a one, they're, they have this real sense of like how things ought to be

Steph Barron Hall: 33:35

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 33:35

financially in their, in all, in all parts of their life. But, uh, being able to ask them questions and then challenge like, if it ought to be this way, then why isn't it working?

Steph Barron Hall: 33:48

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 33:48

And not being afraid of having those conversations with people. It's actually like kind of fun, uh, to have those conversations with people who are saying things over and over and then, You like, you, you keep telling me that this is right and true, and yet we're in this, we're having this convers, you're, you're here with me as a, your counselor trying to work on this. So what can we tweak? What are you willing to adjust here? And, you know, with a, a type that's more like a six or, you know, their, their challenges might be more in, in letting go or, uh, allowing, uh, themselves to have a little bit more fun or spend a little bit more, or worry a little bit less, you know, what is enough for you. And, um, and I think the boundaries for those people, it need to just relax a little bit to, to expand a little bit or, um, I like working with nines and I tend to work with a lot of nines and a lot of times nines have abdicated their power away financially. I I tend to work with a lot of nines that are in partnership and they're trying to figure out their money'cause their partner has it all figured out and they just can't seem to figure it out and they're terrified of it. And so for them, you know, really talking in partnership about if, if our money is going to be separate, then this is mine to deal with and not yours to comment on. And as they like, you know, step by step, start to build a little bit more confidence in their ability to manage and interact with their money and make choices about their money, um, in a way that might upset someone else is, is such a beautiful, like, that's the, the rise portion of my coaching program that I just love to watch is like there's a bit of a breakdown and then they start to go, oh no, no, I get to make the decisions about this and. And, and a lot of the, you know, the more applied part of money is, is pretty simple. It's, it's learning to have boundaries around what am I willing to spend on, how do I talk to myself about what I'm spending on? Do I say I can't afford that, I'll never afford that. That's not for me. I'm not worthy of that thing. Or do I say, do I say, you know, I could do that, but I, I don't think that that's in alignment with what I'm focused on right now.

Steph Barron Hall: 36:27

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 36:28

I don't think I wanna spend my money on that right now. Like, not badly enough. You know, and like, I love, uh, working with threes too, because like a lot of what I recommend for people is, especially at the beginning, is using like a prepaid product so that in an electronic world we can put our spending money in one place and not, and spend downward. Instead of upward. And threes do not like, Surrendering their credit card or like, I will not have something that is obviously a prepaid thing. Like somebody will notice the image of it being prepaid. Like they're just like, no, like there's no way that I'm letting go of my gold whatever card. And it's like, well, if you want the balance of that to be less, we have to stop putting numbers on it. Like we have to just even for a period of time, like just a like or go cash. They'll go cash, but they won't do anything that's like prepaid.

Steph Barron Hall: 37:25

Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 37:25

And I just think, yeah, and I mean just like I, it, I love knowing what the Enneagram, because I can sort of s anticipate if they know that if they are able to identify with the Enneagram, I can kind of anticipate where things are gonna be. So I don't know if that necessarily answers the boundaries for you, but I, I think when I know what somebody's type is, I'm able to. Um, like more quickly identify where they may or may not have boundaries and where there may or may not need to be, um, a, like a contract or a relax on that.

Steph Barron Hall: 38:08

yeah, yeah. Well I, when you're talking about that, what I also hear is like, speaking of Dan Siegel is like the window of tolerance, you know, like expanding the client's window of tolerance for maybe, you know, for a nine, like you said, making a decision with their money that might upset somebody else, but. Then they're like, oh, I actually can do this and I'm gonna be okay.

Lauren Canafranca: 38:30

I didn't die. Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 38:32

yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 38:33

And nobody even got that mad.

Steph Barron Hall: 38:35

right. And like you get, you just get more and more comfortable'cause you're expanding that window. I mean I, I could imagine the challenge of that. I, I'd never thought of, of that about using something prepaid as a three. but it makes sense'cause it's like why you would use that.'cause it's like, kind of like the cash envelope system type thing, but who takes cash now? Right. Um, but yeah, I, I could imagine a three being like, see me using it, you know?

Lauren Canafranca: 39:05

Exact. Exactly. Like, I don't want to have that card.'cause people know what that is. Like, if there's an awareness of, um, you know, like here we use coho, I recommend, and then in the, what is the card that I recommend in the states? I always blank on the name, like SoFi or like, um, there's another one. But, uh, You know, if, if people know that it's something that is used for budgeting, they don't like the, they don't wanna have that look, they don't want other people to know that there may be like, not totally got it going on. Uh, financially they're trying to keep that, uh, and you know, they, they don't really want to even admit that that has to be a thing. They want to be like, oh, I, I can absolutely use my credit card and keep it under control, despite historically that not being the case.

Steph Barron Hall: 39:55

Yeah. Well, and it's like, this is the thing with us as threes like that we have to keep coming back to is like, Whether or not somebody thinks something of you, good or bad, does not make it true.

Lauren Canafranca: 40:10

Yes.

Steph Barron Hall: 40:11

Like it does not like it does not change your reality. And the only person it harms is you.

Lauren Canafranca: 40:19

Yeah. Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 40:21

And for me, that's been such a difficult but important learning.

Lauren Canafranca: 40:29

Yeah. Yeah. I, I can imagine that, um, for any of the types, but threes especially, like, it matters so much, but it doesn't, like it matters for you. Um, but you know, the rest of people are worried about themselves too, so they're not even really thinking about it.

Steph Barron Hall: 40:50

yeah. Oh yeah. And I think, um, you know, in my own journey, like again, there's that word, which I actually don't hate it. I'm like, yeah, it's a journey. Just call me, call me corny. You know, I don't care. Um, but. I have been doing all of this work, and especially like some of the, people that I, I really like to listen to, they talk a lot about, like, you have to be honest with yourself because if you're not, you can't change anything. You can't fix anything. Um, and, and, some of us fake good.

Lauren Canafranca: 41:24

Yeah, yeah,

Steph Barron Hall: 41:26

And like, I think some of us fake that we're better than we are. Some of us fake that we're worse than we are. You know, we all have these

Lauren Canafranca: 41:32

yeah. Stories.

Steph Barron Hall: 41:34

Yeah. We love to tell ourselves.

Lauren Canafranca: 41:37

Yeah. Really good at writing, uh, narratives that, that suit whatever mood we're in, right?

Steph Barron Hall: 41:43

Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 41:44

Yeah. Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 41:44

Um, I'm curious about how you see like financial health as a form of self-care, um, and like how those things are intertwined because. I think it's something that often gets, gets missed. And when we talk about self-care, I think sometimes, you know, it, it, it gets trivialized a lot,

Lauren Canafranca: 42:09

it gets conflated with self-indulgence I think sometimes. Um, and for, you know, for some types it, you know, taking the time to take care of yourself is, you know, your, your external self doing the face masks and like, I cut my hair short so that I would stop and look in the mirror before I left the house because I would just like be like onto the next thing. Like I'm just going and I would just wear a ponytail every single day and never really like, take a moment like the three is like cocking her head at me. But

Steph Barron Hall: 42:45

uh, yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 42:46

yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 42:46

definitely do my hair every single day.

Lauren Canafranca: 42:49

But no, I spent most of my life, like in a ponytail, I had long hair and it just like up outta my face and I cut my hair so that I would have to spend a couple of minutes making sure my hair's not standing straight up. Uh, and that was for me. So I, I can relate to some of those sort of stereotypical types of self-care where we do things to take care of ourselves, to nurture ourselves, to, um, be loving inward, especially if we're someone who has sort of an external focus. Um, but financial wellbeing is so intertwined statistically, it like good financial outcomes are, are good health outcomes. Um, and I think that we sort of forget how distracting it can be if our financial house is not in order. It affects our performance at work, it affects our relationships. I can attest firsthand how negatively, um, avoiding your money can affect your relationship and. Like over controlling your money can affect your relationships both romantically, interpersonally at work. You know, like you make more, I make less. That sort of thing can really affect you intergenerationally, you know, you might come from a family where if you do well, everybody does well and that's gonna affect your psychology on how you approach doing well or not. And, and I think the, the piece that can come from taking care of your financial house, the sleep quality that can improve when you're not worried about, you know, whether your direct deposit's gonna hit on the Friday or the, or the Monday. You know, like what day is it actually gonna hit my bank account and when is that payment gonna come out? And if you're, if you're really stressed about the little things or, I mean, it can go even the other way. I've worked with someone who had a hundred thousand dollars sitting in a PayPal account.

Steph Barron Hall: 45:00

Oh my

Lauren Canafranca: 45:01

And they just, it was just never gonna be enough, you know? And so really exploring that is going to be more than the money. It's gonna be about more than money, it's going to be about your sense of security, safety, right? I talk about security, gratitude, and joy in, in money. And I think exploring your financial wellbeing and really like, intentionally, whether it's, like you said, just sitting down and paying your bill, you know, like a six is gonna probably want to pay their bills manually and a one might want to automate everything and be super efficient, you know, whatever it is, like taking the time to set that up or creating a ritual so that you sit down and you check your account when your, when your paycheck hits and you, you know, use your budgeting app or you. You know, have things automatically managed for you. That whatever the ritual is, whatever the practice is, can create a sense of security and stability for you in your life that will give you skills that spill out into other parts of your life. Learning how to talk about money, learning about how to, you know, as an eight, being able to be vulnerable enough to say, I don't actually totally understand this,

Steph Barron Hall: 46:21

Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 46:22

which is really tricky to do. Or, or I have to overcome. Now this, I was the one driving and I took my family over a cliff and now I have to reconcile that. And turning and facing something like that can be really painful, but it overall, the end result will be positive overall wellbeing versus the more you ignore it, the bigger it's gonna get and the more it's going to affect. Your patience, your temperament, your ability to relate and stay close, resentment. All of these other things will build up if we're not looking at the thing that's, you know, an undercurrent and we, it's money, but it's the undercurrent of all parts of our life. We can't escape it. It's like breathing.

Steph Barron Hall: 47:12

Yeah. I'm curious if you ever have people who are like, money is a social construct. Like I think, you know, fives can kind of get into that and it, it, it falls into this. Like, let me just dissect this into disparate parts.

Lauren Canafranca: 47:31

Mm-hmm.

Steph Barron Hall: 47:32

And it, it's just like now we've just got molecules and it's just like nothingness. Right. Um, but it present could present a challenge, like, or would that type of person just not come to you?

Lauren Canafranca: 47:45

I have had one five, it was in partnership. Uh, they both, one couldn't really identify themselves. In the Enneagram. So I don't know, you're not supposed to type others, but I'll, I'll call her a four. Uh, and her partner, she was a five. And it became, it was, it was very challenging for the five to sort of identify why it was,'cause it was that very much that narrative of like, this is a social construct. This should be A, B, C, and it's not. And I did everything that I was supposed to do, went to school, did the thing, da, da, da. But the, it's harder to argue when you come out the other side of doing all the things that you were supposed to do, diving deep in your education and doing all the, all the things. And then it not like A plus B didn't equal C. And so then what? And so that I think is sort of the biggest challenge. For them to kind of come around to it. And I, it is having to sort of suggest that this is more than numbers, which is why we're not all millionaires. It's more than math. It, you can't actually break it down to this is going to equal this. There's too many variables. You can't solve for that. And then you have to also recognize that you're going, you're having a relationship with money in relationship with someone else who has a totally different history and view of what money means, how it should be talked about. Like whatever fears it kicks up for them. And so, yeah, I can see if, you know, fives definitely have a little bit more of a, I don't know what, like it's not cold, it's, I don't know what the right word is. But it's more tactical, like it is just, and maybe they don't struggle as much because they just could and, and that's why I don't see them as often. Maybe they just sort of compartmentalize money as this thing and dollars and dollars out,

Steph Barron Hall: 50:04

Mm-hmm. Well,

Lauren Canafranca: 50:06

it is, you know, and, and any number could be like that sometimes.

Steph Barron Hall: 50:09

I think head types in general, but also especially fives are good at like reading a book and applying, like understanding they don't need somebody else to teach them.

Lauren Canafranca: 50:17

Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 50:18

Um, so yeah, that, that makes sense to me. Um, But it also kind of brings up that other concept of like, what type of money did you have growing up? Because I know with my husband and I, we had very different, like socioeconomic status growing up. Right. Um, and so even now people are like, oh my God, you've never been skiing, like shocked, like clutching their pearls. And I'm like, no. Like where I come from, that's a rich people thing, you know? Um, but then you can over identify being like, I'm not a rich person. I don't do that. Right. And then that's, that presents a whole other type of problem

Lauren Canafranca: 50:59

Yeah. And then now I'm actually going to reject the thought of being money because, or having money, because that is going to other me,

Steph Barron Hall: 51:07

mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 51:07

that's going to make me treat other people the way that I've been treated. And I would never wanna do that. Right. The heart types are like, oh, I could never make someone else feel that way,

Steph Barron Hall: 51:16

Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 51:17

you know? And it is totally, it's so nuanced and fun. And that's what I like about it is it's sort of this like endless state of story. And so like it is absolutely like an English major thing, not a math major.

Steph Barron Hall: 51:33

Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 51:33

It's like philosophy.

Steph Barron Hall: 51:35

Yeah. yeah. Absolutely. Um, I'm curious, like who do you work with? Like, who are the people who come and like say, Loren, I want you to coach me. Counsel me with

Lauren Canafranca: 51:47

Yeah. Both. Yeah. Whatever. They're like, whatever. I just want to get help, help me, help me. Um, I specialize in variable income. I work with lots of people, uh, primarily women. I've worked with some men. Um, and that's just, I think maybe just what coaching, like men want to be coached by men, potentially. I don't, I don't know if that's true, but that's just how it worked out for me. Um, but they either make their money in infrequent time intervals, so they make their money all at once and then they have to try to get through six months before they're gonna make money again. Or they make different amounts of money on a regular frequency. So people who work commission jobs. People, lots of artists, lots of creators, authors, um, comedians. I've worked with quite a few comedians, and that's, as you can imagine, very fun. Um, you know, they're the observers. They can be very cerebral, uh, and that, but money, just the, you know, the fact that there's a, uh, a number associated with that just like freaks'em right out. Um, so I think people who are aware of the re the emotional part of money, they're aware that this is giving me a emotional response. And either I would like to stop that or, uh, I would like to explore that. And usually the ones who come in with the, like, I would like this feeling to stop. We, we move into exploration. Like, why do you think, why do you want it to stop so badly? And, you know, those are my eights often that are like, it's enough of that. Let's fix this right now. Um, I need this to be done.'cause I'm mad and I don't usually like to be mad at myself. And right now I am and I don't like that.

Steph Barron Hall: 53:40

Yeah,

Lauren Canafranca: 53:41

I would rather be mad at someone else, you know?

Steph Barron Hall: 53:44

Well, I guess that depends on the type.'cause a lot of people would rather be mad themselves. Uh, but yeah, the blame game can also be a really fun one. Um, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And I think, um, it is really challenging. Like I used to have a, you know, regular W two, nine to five job, and then I moved into doing, you know, my work now, and it's been like, woo-hoo, I have all this money. Oh wait, now I have no money. Like, it's just, it's very difficult to build inconsistency. Um,

Lauren Canafranca: 54:16

Yeah. And, and the traditional methods of, of budgeting don't really work like you want them to work. No, they don't. They don't. They'll, you'll be disappointed. So you do have to sort of take a modern approach to budgeting and you have to go, oh hoo, I have all this money now let me lob a bunch of this forward for when I don't, I need a Hill Valley fund that I can go tuck this away and know that eventually a deficit's on its way. It's sort of an inevitability, and I'll have somewhere to pull from when I need it,

Steph Barron Hall: 54:49

Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 54:50

which is a hard, hard habit to build alone.

Steph Barron Hall: 54:54

Well, yeah, and I think, uh, you know, sometimes my accountant's like, so how much do you expect to make this year? I'm like, well, that is a great question.

Lauren Canafranca: 55:05

Your guess is as good as mine.

Steph Barron Hall: 55:07

Will I have a mental breakdown or not? Uh, that will greatly determine how much I make. Uh,

Lauren Canafranca: 55:12

Yeah. Yeah. It, there's again, there's way too many factors for me to be able to answer that question. We'll see. And that's, I think there's lots of people that. Uh, thrive on that, you know, that there's excitement in that you just need structure to help you.

Steph Barron Hall: 55:30

Um, well, where can people find you?

Lauren Canafranca: 55:34

um, they can find me on Instagram is sort of where I often hang out. Uh, and on my website, lv coaching.com. Uh, I, but primarily on Instagram. I, my dms are open. I love talking to people and answering when people are curious about like, what is this and what do you do? And why am I doing this? I like having those conversations.

Steph Barron Hall: 55:57

Cool. Yeah, I'll, I'll link everything up in the show notes. Um, I have, is there anything I didn't ask you about that you're like, oh, I really wanna say this thing?

Lauren Canafranca: 56:07

Uh, I think you, you had a question about advice for others, um,

Steph Barron Hall: 56:11

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 56:13

when they start this journey. And, and I think for eights, I don't know, maybe everybody feels this way. And I, I think I've heard you say that before, but, um, everybody thinks they're the worst type, you know?

Steph Barron Hall: 56:26

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 56:27

And I remember reading through that eight explanation, and it was just like, I was just, you know, stereotypical I was all of it. And I just thought, oh shit. Like, I'm an asshole and I've been an asshole for 30 years. Like, what do I do now? And my mom always sort of says, sometimes your job. And she said it to me for 30 years, and it took me a long time to actually hear her. Uh, but sometimes your job is to be the witness and not the fixer of people's lives. And so our intention as an eight, and, and you, you talk about this and I love it and I say it all the time, but like that marshmallow wrapped in barbed wire. The insides, the intention is so good and pure and like it's motivated by, I don't want you to be harmed. You know, like, I don't want me to be harmed. I don't want, I want everybody to be safe and okay. And sometimes it limits us from allowing people in our lives to be seen by us. And because we're so strong and because we're so, um, protective, people can feel really safe with us. If we allow for there to be safety, they're not gonna cut. You know, the people that you want to help and, and be close with the most are not going to be able to be close to you if you are solving their problems, if you're saying you should to them. And so try to develop curiosity. I remember when I first started, I was like, okay, you're not allowed to say. Or give any suggestions until you've asked five questions. I have to learn to assume. I don't know the whole story yet and I need to ask questions. Even something as simple as like, like are you looking for feedback

Steph Barron Hall: 58:28

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 58:29

are you just wanting to process this? And just that question as a, like, starting the conversation with your sister.'cause things are gonna happen. You know, your, your sister's gonna date a guy you absolutely hate, but she's 27 and she didn't ask your opinion.

Steph Barron Hall: 58:45

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 58:46

And like, I don't have to have an opinion even though sometimes you do

Steph Barron Hall: 58:52

Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 58:52

I, but like take a, take a a load off. You don't have to have an opinion or a solution for everything. You can just sort of be the witness. And that's a hard thing to move toward, but I, that's sort of what I continuously try to remind myself that I'm, I'm here to be a witness and I will have the effect that, I mean, to have in doing that.

Steph Barron Hall: 59:18

Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's such beautiful advice, I think too, because, or, you know, encouragement even just, it's like, um, it's such a hard thing because it requires a level of slowing down and being able to be a little bit vulnerable of like not having like a snappy opinion for everything. Um, that can be a way that eights are really tough,

Lauren Canafranca: 59:45

Mm-hmm.

Steph Barron Hall: 59:45

like not knowing is so vulnerable. Um, and so allowing that is

Lauren Canafranca: 59:54

gave me shivers. I'm like, oh no,

Steph Barron Hall: 59:56

Like, ugh.

Lauren Canafranca: 59:58

I don't have the answer. And, and yeah, it. You're, that's exactly, you're exactly right. Not knowing is so vulnerable. To be perceived as not competent and capable and in control is so vulnerable, and it just takes a lot of returning to your breath and just saying, you know what? I don't know. I'm really sorry that's happening. You know,

Steph Barron Hall: 1:00:22

Yeah. Yeah.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:00:25

and you'll, you're bound to go through things in your life where you will be completely powerless to fix it. You know, there's going to be loss and hurt and things that you can't do anything about, and the more you practice on the little stuff, the easier those big things will be

Steph Barron Hall: 1:00:41

Yeah. Yeah. I, I mean, I have nothing more to say to that. That's just like such a great, great tidbit for, for eights. And I think too, for, for all of us who, who love to hop right in there and

Lauren Canafranca: 1:00:55

help.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:00:56

make it happen.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:00:57

Mm-hmm.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:00:57

Make it work, get it sorted,

Lauren Canafranca: 1:00:59

Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:01:00

make good stuff. Um, okay. I have two final questions that I love to ask everyone. So tell me about a book that has helped you refreshed you or shaped you in the past year.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:01:12

Um, the book that most recently has helped me is not out yet, but I got to read the advanced version. So I don't know when this will come out. It comes out in January, uh, and it's called the Screen Time Solution. And it might, I know, and it's not really related to money at all, but uh, it is related to intentionality. And I have three kids and they're 10, eight, and six, and we're sort of entering that like screen era where it, it could, it could become a problem. And I'm just super grateful that I met Emily Chikin, who's the author, and I got to read her book and learn from her. Um, otherwise ahead of this, you know, so anybody who's a parent who, you know, has a pre-teen or, or has kids who struggle with video games or they struggle themselves with. Uh, screen time. I, that one really this year has changed. The, I told her, changed the trajectory of our family's life. We've really rooted in our family values and, and spending more time connecting versus being overwhelmed and, and numbing ourselves with screens. So that's a big one. And then as an eight, trying to not read only personal growth books. Um, uh, the, I started reading fiction for the first time and, uh, I read The House in the Ceru Sea by TJ Kune, which is a YA book. Um, but it's a beautiful story about seeing the ocean for the first time and becoming a new person and being able to like, allow the color to come out from within you. And it's, it's, it's amazing. It's what an orphanage with these like, magical children. It's cool.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:02:57

Oh, so cool. Okay. I have not heard of that. I'll have to

Lauren Canafranca: 1:03:00

Yeah. Come from left field on you.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:03:02

Yeah, I think it's pretty typical for people to have like one self-help and one, um, fiction.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:03:10

Yeah. Yeah. I think you want to have a little balance. I,

Steph Barron Hall: 1:03:15

And most people that I have on here are like in this zone of like, I used to think I was a self-improvement project and now I'm realizing I'm a person and so I need to enjoy my life a bit more. Um, reading fiction helps us do that.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:03:32

To totally. There's so much metaphor and if you love metaphor and, you know, if you're learning to be more reflective versus onto the next thing, uh, like an eight might wanna do it. It's beautiful to, they have, there's another one called Under the Whispering Door by TJ Kune, and it talks about crossing over and life after death, and.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:03:53

Hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:03:54

Who are the people who help you do that? Like, it's just a beautiful, beautiful story. So there's lots of metaphor. Even I'm watching, I'm rewatching The Simpsons. And now as an adult who's cultivated some empathy, Homer Simpson, he just goes so hard for his family. I just like all this poor man, no wonder he hates Flanders. Like I just like rewatching it Now with a little bit more compassion and a little bit more of an, an adult experience is, is very different.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:04:21

Yeah. I'm sure. That's so funny. Um, okay. Finally, what is a piece of advice that has really stuck with you?

Lauren Canafranca: 1:04:30

This one is another nugget from my dad. Um, and I remember when that anger starts to flare up, uh, especially in experiences with other people and it's, they didn't cut you off, they only changed lanes.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:04:49

Mm

Lauren Canafranca: 1:04:49

And that is like, and, and then, you know, to add to it. And you avoided an accident. So why don't we be grateful that you're such a good driver? You know? And, and that isn't what you want to hear when you're mad. But later it sinks in. You're like, oh, right. It's not happening to me. They didn't wake up and go, I'm gonna cut her off today. You know, like, it's just like, it just happened. They are, you know, stay in your lane was my, uh, new Year's resolution for like three years. It's just like, focus on your own stuff. They're gonna do their stuff and you just focus on driving

Steph Barron Hall: 1:05:27

Yeah. It works on so many levels.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:05:30

many levels, so many ways. Yeah. I don't need to referee my kids. I don't need to, you know, like that's just something that's happening

Steph Barron Hall: 1:05:38

Mm-hmm.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:05:39

nobody needs me and I don't have to solve anything. I can just keep moving.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:05:44

Yeah. Yeah. Love that.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:05:47

Yeah.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:05:49

Okay, well there are so many profound little nuggets, especially from your parents.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:05:53

I know. It's one of my biggest privileges. My parents are, so my mom's a master Reiki practitioner, and like my dad's a chiropractor and they're just very, he's, my dad's a four. My dad's like very philosophical and very, very unique. Um, and I'm, it is such a privilege to, to have them.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:06:13

Yeah. That's amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. This has been delightful, and I hope that everyone will check you out in the show notes, because I'm gonna be sharing, you know, your socials, everything. Um, I think, you know, I'm assuming that there are other people who are like me, who are, are listening to this, who are like, do have like variable income or whatever and are just like, I need something different that's gonna work differently for me.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:06:38

Yeah, I even have an ebook, uh, called Seven Steps to a Joyful Relationship with Your Variable Income. If, you know, getting counseling or coaching isn't necessarily, you know, if you're a five and you just wanna read it and you don't want anybody to tell you, um, but you do want to kind of solve it. I, I wrote an ebook and there's audio if you're, uh, an auditory learner too. Um, audio is so fun. Uh, and, and so that's, that's available on my website if you're more just wanna have a little dabble and, and get sort of the tactical with a little bit of the emotional woven through.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:07:14

That's amazing. I love it. Okay, well great. Thank you so much.

Lauren Canafranca: 1:07:18

Oh, you're so welcome. I, this was such a pleasure. I I loved being here. Thank you, Steph.

Steph Barron Hall: 1:07:24

Thanks so much for listening to Enneagram IRL. If you love the show, be sure to subscribe and leave us a rating and review. This is the easiest way to make sure new people find the show. And it's so helpful for a new podcast like this one, if you want to stay connected. Sign up for my email list in the show notes or message me on instagram at nine types co to tell me your one big takeaway from today's show I'd love to hear from you. I know there are a million podcasts you could have been listening to, and I feel so grateful that you chose to spend this time with me. Can't wait to meet you right back here for another episode of any grim IRL very soon. The Enneagram and real life podcast is a production of nine types co LLC. It's created and produced by Stephanie Barron hall. With editing support from Brandon Hall. And additional support from crits collaborations. Thanks to dr dream chip for our amazing theme song and you can also check out all of their music on spotify