Enneagram in Real Life

5 Things You Need to Know to Apply the Enneagram in Your Life

July 07, 2022 Season 2
Enneagram in Real Life
5 Things You Need to Know to Apply the Enneagram in Your Life
Show Notes Transcript

Welcome back to Enneagram IRL, the weekly podcast where we go beyond Enneagram theory and dive into practical understanding, new clarity, and fresh insight. This is the very first bonus episode! The first Thursday of each month will feature a solo episode like this one covering topics that come up either on Instagram or in guest interviews. Send me a DM on Instagram (@ninetypesco) if there's a topic you'd love to hear more about!

This week’s bonus episode features 5 Things You Need to Know to Apply the Enneagram  in Your Life!

Resources mentioned in this episode:


Want to keep the conversation going? Join me on Instagram @ninetypesco to keep learning and chatting about how our types show up in REAL LIFE! Connect with me here: https://www.instagram.com/ninetypesco/?hl=en


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Hello, and welcome back to Enneagram in real life. A podcast that will help you go beyond Enneagram theory into practical understanding so that you can apply the Enneagram in your day-to-day life. I'm your host, Steph Baron hall, creator of Nine Types Co on Instagram, author of the Enneagram in love, accredited Enneagram, professional, and ennea curious human, just like you be sure to check out the show notes for more ways to apply the Enneagram and your daily life. Thanks so much for listening and now onto the show. Hello, welcome back to Enneagram, IRL the podcast. And I'm so excited to be with you today. Today is the first of what right now I'm thinking of as bonus episodes. I don't really know exactly... maybe they'll take on another shape. They're kind of like mini-sodes. So, um, these will be really actually about the Enneagram more generally, or some things that you might need to know. And the reason I think this is important is because sometimes in the conversations that I've been having with different guests or even just my coaching clients or the clients that are in the students in my course, I hear common questions. I know that we're talking about some things that sometimes, especially if you're newer to the Enneagram might be a little bit higher level in terms of just, you know, you're not there yet with your knowledge, which is totally fine. That's really why we're here, right? We want to have space for everything. So I'm going to be showing up about once a month or so, um, on Thursdays to talk a little bit more about these different topics. So for example, I will in the future be talking a little bit more about subtypes. I'll touch on them a little bit today, but most of the episodes so far that I've recorded, we do talk about subtypes. It's just something that naturally comes up in the way that I've been trained in the Enneagram. So I want to make sure that you have the knowledge that you need to actually understand what's happening and to really get the most out of these episodes. These bonus episodes will actually kind of be more like Ask an Enneagram Coach so if you've ever listened to that editon of my podcast, you'll know that most of the episodes were solo episodes in which I answered common questions or, or talked through um, different concepts. So that's what these will be. And today what I want to talk with you about is five things you need to know to actually apply the Enneagram in your real life. And I say five because. It's really more five groupings, but it's not necessarily, you know, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. These are kind of lifelong and expansive concepts. But I think are going to be really important for us. So. If you've heard me talk about this before, um, you probably recognize that. I find this, especially the, the different perspective on growth that I'm going to talk about today. It is really important, but, um, if you are really sick of hearing, people say, use the Enneagram for growth. This is going to be a different perspective. So, I do want to kind of stay with you there because I get it. I've been there too. So the first thing you need to know to actually apply the Enneagram in your life is your Enneagram type. This might seem like a no-brainer, but I'm not just talking about taking online quiz and of course there are a lot of us who have found our types doing that. That's how I figured out my type. Um, it took me another couple of years to really settle into it and to feel what it felt like to really be my type and to feel certain about it, but that's initially how I was introduced to the Enneagram. And I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but I think what we need to do is to access more of the deep understanding that's beneath the surface that we don't always see when we first, you know, read,"oh, you're... This moniker," maybe you're the achiever and then that's it. So I'm really talking about knowing and understanding our type to do some deep self-reflection and then actually observing it in our real lives. Like that's I think really the most important part. And if you need help with that, I can definitely help you. I do a lot of typing interviews. I also have a whole process that I can send you via email. So make sure that you, um, check out my free self typing guide in the show notes of this episode. And with that, I also think it's really, really important to understand your subtype. So that is one of the things about the Enneagram that has totally changed my perspective. And it's really changed the way that I operate in my life. And it's really stretching and challenging. I will not Sugarcoat that at all, because I.. Oh, it's just really hard. Um, So that is part of the process though. And I think inviting in more of that stretching and, and growth process can be really helpful. And I think that's just kind of part of understanding ourselves. So if you need more info on the subtypes I probably will share more about it later on, but I definitely want you to know that in the show notes, I also have, um, uh, an entire free guide for you that goes through all 27 subtypes. Several pages long, but it just kind of goes into each subtype in enough detail so that you can kind of grasp them a bit. Um, and you can find that like I said in the show notes or at ninetypes.co/subtypes. And you'll be able to download the guide there as well. So those that's kind of like the first one is your Enneagram type and subtype. I think that's one of the really important things that we all need to know to apply the Enneagram effectively in our lives. So, secondly, I think we need to know other factors in our lives. So your Enneagram type is not the only thing that's true about you. I say that so often and I feel like I can never say it enough. Because we fall into this trap of just kind of cherry picking different things about our type, or we can fall into this trap, especially I've found this a lot when people mostly have experienced the Enneagram on Instagram, it's kind of this approach that's really focused on character traits or, personality eccentricities. So when I think about other factors, I'm thinking about, you know, maybe there are, mental health diagnoses or cultural background or family of origin or, so many different kind of layers of things that play into how we show up in our type and how we show up in our lives. And I think that's really important to understand. Specifically when it comes to using the Enneagram for growth because sometimes there are things that the Enneagram can help us address, and there are a lot of them don't get me wrong. I think that the Enneagram is a really, really powerful tool. And there are also things that the Enneagram can not necessarily address specifically, and it might be more helpful to have a coach or, um, even a therapist work through with you. So for me, for example, Um, You know, I knew about the Enneagram. I knew my type and I was like, yeah, I I'm I'm this way in these specific ways. But then understanding more about myself through my process of a little bit of curiosity and. You know, if you have questions about this, I'm happy to talk about, about it more, but I don't want to overwhelm me with all of this info. If it's not something people are interested in hearing, but, a couple of years ago, I started thinking, okay, I think I might have ADHD. And this was maybe three years ago or so. Um, and to be honest, When I was in undergrad, I was a psych major, and when I read my abnormal psych textbook, and it talked about ADHD. I was like, oh, that's not a thing because that is true about me. And I don't have ADHD nobody's ever told me I have that. Right? Which is kind of funny looking back on it now. Um, anyway. That's neither here nor there. So understanding how ADHD was showing up in my life, understanding how it was connecting to these other things that were happening for me. That was really enlightening and just focusing on the Enneagram probably wouldn't have helped me in that scenario. So. Really understanding kind of the through line with those things helps me to see things a little bit differently. And helped me to understand. You know, what support I needed and how to kind of cope and how to figure that out. So those things are really, really important. And I think it can be really helpful to understand, you know, kind of what's connected to your Enneagram type and what isn't. Um, because at the end of the day, we all have all these different layers and we all have all these different pieces. And I really think it all fits together. Even though there is so much truth with the Enneagram. It's not the only thing. So that's number two. Number three curiosity. And I think this is so important and it'll, I'll kind of talk about this more in number four. But. If you're here, curiosity has probably really helped you already on these first few steps because. You know, you had to get curious about figuring out your type and figuring out what makes you tick and your, what motivates you and then understanding your subtype and how that shows up in your life. And then getting really curious about the other things. The other layers, the other factors that are happening for you. But. It can also be really powerful, especially in the face of self doubt or self criticism, or even the sense of internal angst because asking ourselves questions, like, I wonder what's going on here or what am I protecting? Or what's. Underneath these feelings, those things. Are so helpful. Those questions are really helpful to ask. And just to get curious, so wondering can be a really helpful tool to equip you, to uncover the hidden aspects of yourself that you otherwise might not notice. When we think about curiosity. I love that it kind of invites the sense of non-judgment like, when we're curious about something we're not being judgemental. Right. I think we've all seen that Ted lasso clip of him quoting Walt Whitman. But apparently Walt Whitman, didn't say that. So I'm very curious who actually did, but. Nonetheless, I. I think that this sense of curiosity. Invites and almost insinuates a different mentality around. You know what what's happening in your life because instead of thinking, okay, there's one right way to do this, or one wrong way, or like making everything wrong or anything. It invites and insinuates that. Wonder and awe of like anything has kind of possible. And of course some types are better at this than others, but I think we all could, could work on being a little bit more curious about what's actually happening beneath the surface and how we're actually showing up with ourselves. I think that's a really important part of this. So curiosity is number three. Number four is a growth mindset. And I love talking about this because. One, I think that this can mean so many different things and I love to kind of untangle them and unpack them with, with different people depending on where they come from. So some people, when they think about a growth mindset, they might think of it in the way that I've seen startup founders talk about a growth mindset, which is, you know, we're always growing. We're always trying to move up into the right, basically like having this really linear trajectory of we're growing, we're growing, we're growing quarter over quarter. Um, and the growth mindset in that scenario is that. We have the expectation that we're always going to be pushing forward and growing. Right. So, so looking for growth. Especially monetarily. So that's one way of looking at it. And then you also have people like psychologist, Carol Dweck, who talks about a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset in her book mindset. And she talks about, you know, a fixed mindset being. More based on treats, more based on who you are and how you are now. Versus a growth mindset, which is more based on the assumption that I can grow. I can change, I can move. And actually the way that I see this specifically play out the most in the Enneagram world. Is when people say things like, well, I'm an eight, I just talk like that. I'm just always, you know, brash or whatever. Uh, and, and really excusing bad behavior. Obviously not only eights do this, but it's an example, excusing bad behavior by attaching it to your Enneagram type. I think that's a really good representation of a fixed mindset. Whereas a growth mindset in that same scenario would be. Wow. Um, I'm really seeing my Enneagram type show up here. What do I need to know? What do I need to learn? What else is. Available and possible for me to. Kind of challenge and stretch myself so that I can approach the same situation differently in the future. And it's the assumption that I can try new things. I can learn new things. Um, there's really an endless amount of possibility for me to know and understand and grow and really not so much growth in the sense of. You know, self-improvement but really the sense of. It's possible for me to expand. It's possible for me to know and understand and see things differently. Um, it's possible for me to be good at things in the future that I've never tried yet. So I think that one's really, really helpful as well. And then how I look at growth now. Is something different. Altogether. So, um, It kind of blends in, you know, some of the mindset that, that Carol Dweck teaches. Um, but you know, I think a long time ago I used to. You know, a long time ago now, um, I used to think about growth more so in that first. Way that I mentioned of having that kind of assumption that we always have to be growing. I always have to be moving forward and getting better day by day by day. And. I actually found a lot in my. You know, training to become a coach and in any grand practitioner, as well as my own personal work, personal development. And in my grad program around. Communication and leadership. Um, specifically, I know this might seem like it's totally not related, but actually a lot of what I did in my grad program was thinking about. Concepts like self-leadership or personal development and applying those. So. Aye. Really love this concept of the fact that we can. Ebb and flow and that we do ebb and flow. So growth is not. Just, I learned something new and immediately apply it. And every single day I'm better. It's really a process of expecting rhythms and expecting seasons. I always share this story when I talk about this, because I think it really puts it into to reality a little bit more, but this is just an example of. You know how I started thinking about this? A couple of years ago now my husband and I, we, we had just bought a new house and we decided, okay, we're going to redo the landscaping in the front yard. We really wanted to put in drought, tolerant landscaping. And so we ripped out the grass, ripped out the lawn. Um, which was dead by the way. And because we don't live in a place where I want to naturally grow, um, and we started putting in this new landscaping, these new plants and. You know, we started it in maybe October and some of the plants were doing really, really well. And some of them were not doing well at all. They were really floundering. Um, they were looking really sad and it just didn't seem like they were gonna take at all. And in the spring, when I went to actually pull those plants that were, that had never really. Taken root. I started noticing, oh, actually now they are taking root. Like this is their season. This is their growth season. And in the fall was their dormancy. And. When I think about that, it's like, duh, you know, I always think does Stephanie, didn't you go to first grade, seasons exists. Trees grow in the spring and then bloom, and then, you know, the leaves fall in the fall. And then there. Dormant all winter and yes, of course we all know this, but I don't think that we think about this when it comes to our. Own personal growth. We don't think about ourselves as like living beings that have these seasons of expansion and seasons of settling in. And what I think is so important about this is the concept that those settling in seasons, those seasons, where we're really letting things take root and letting things kind of expand. Those seasons are just as important as the big blooming growing seasons that we can see externally. There's actually some really interesting research around this that, um, I touch on a little bit more in inside my course, Enneagram, IRL, but, um, I think it's just really helpful to know that. There is this perspective. We have this concept of growth that's available to us that has nothing to do. With, how quickly or how concretely we're seeing our growth events taking place day by day. It's really more expansive. And. Um, You know, it doesn't look like high growth, but it can be even when we're just having those seasons of things settling in. And so changing that perspective. When it invites a lot more self-compassion I think, I think it invites a lot more. Care for who we are as humans and the expectation that, oh, I'm not. A self-improvement project. I am a human and just like a garden. I need to be cultivated and I need to be watered and I need to have sun and you know, all these different things, all these different resources to really thrive and. You know, we would never look at our plants and expect them to always be blooming. You know, when roses bloom, then. They don't bloom forever. Um, eventually those pedals fall away. And so just kind of expecting there to be that seasonality to it. I think invites a lot more care and self-compassion. And I think I also want to say that if you're in a season right now where. It doesn't feel like growth is at all possible. That's okay too. You know, there's nothing wrong with you as you are. Um, there's nothing that you need to change. I think just even the practice of inviting more self-acceptance or self compassion for where you are right now. That'll be really influential. And that also is growth. Um, so allowing yourself to kind of process and let things settle in. That's part of the process. I really loved the book already enough by Lisa Olivera. She is a therapist. You might follow her on Instagram, but she talks about this really beautifully. And I, I think that that's a really important part of this process of. Just allowing ourselves to be humans, throughout. Even when we are on this process where we want to say I am, I'm growing or I'm moving forward. And just having more of an open-handed perspective on that is. Going to be so impactful. So when I work with my clients and think about this. I really challenge you to think about, okay, what. What about one year ago? You know, don't look at growth from today. To yesterday. Think about. A year ago or five years ago, what do you know now that you didn't know then, how have you changed in the way that you respond to people? How have you changed in the sense of how defensive you get when you are frustrated, how have you changed in the way that you have boundaries with other people? How have you changed in the way that you work with your emotions? Those sorts of things. Are better markers than just being like, okay, well I'll always have to be perfect. I have to, um, exist in this. Specific description of what a quote unquote healthy one looks like. You don't have to do that. It's not about attaining perfection in that sense, it's really about taking the long view on how you're processing, how you're integrating. All of the things that you're learning in life. So that is just something that you've probably heard before, to be honest, but a little encouragement for you. And for me, even as I'm saying all these things, I'm like, yeah, Stephanie, come on. Let's let's give us ourselves a little hug here, you know? Because it can be really hard. And I think especially this year has been really, really hard for a lot of people. So that's just a little invitation to see things with maybe more. Of an open mind and, um, to be really kind to yourself throughout the process. And so number five. Finally, I think that we often just need more guidance and direction when it comes to applying the Enneagram in our lives. Sometimes we end up finding ourselves. Looking for more information, we're searching for knowledge, we're searching for understanding or expertise. But. Most of us, we really need more of a push. We need more of a highlighter saying like, these are the things that are gonna, these are kind of like the low hanging fruit. These are the ways that you can grow immediately. Right now. This is where you can apply your Enneagram type, your anti grim knowledge. Just. Right now where you are. That part can be really challenging. That part can be really hard to figure out. So I think that sometimes we need a little bit more guidance in that sense. Um, this could be a therapist or a coach or a friend or a partner, but often I think it does need to be in an interactive environment where you're able to form new ideas through conversation and honest questions. That can be extremely helpful. But even if not, maybe there is something that you could engage with. I know. For me, for my process, I actually built a framework around how to actually use the Enneagram for growth in this four part. Series of steps. And I found it to be really helpful for my clients as they're kind of working through this of it gives you just like a real. Structure for some guidance. So that you're not like, okay, well now what do I do with this? It kind of. Takes you through. You know, these four different steps that you can really deeply apply and get really curious and, and think through everything. Um, if you're at all interested in that I will put the link to download it in the show notes. And of course, if you are interested in coaching or, or grabbing a typing interview with me, I'm happy to help. I'm happy to meet with you. And. Help you process through whatever you need to process through. So those are the five things that I think we need to know to apply the Enneagram in our daily lives. And can I just say also that these five things are probably just first steps. There are so many more ways and so many more things that we need to understand and. Ways that we can experiment with this. So this is not by any means limited. It's just kind of scratching the surface and I really invite you to. Step into this process. If you're interested, I would love to work with you. Love to help you, or just keep listening to the podcast because we have a lot of great guests coming up who will help you along your way. So thanks so much for listening. Um, thanks for being a part of the Enneagram IRL podcast fam. And I hope to see you right back here for the next episode. Thanks so much for listening to Enneagram IRL. If you love the show, be sure to subscribe and leave us a rating and review. This is the easiest way to make sure new people find the show. And it's so helpful for a new podcast like this one, if you want to stay connected. Sign up for my email list in the show notes or message me on instagram at nine types co to tell me your one big takeaway from today's show I'd love to hear from you. I know there are a million podcasts you could have been listening to, and I feel so grateful that you chose to spend this time with me. Can't wait to meet you right back here for another episode of Enneagram IRL very soon. The Enneagram and real life podcast is a production of nine types co LLC. It's created and produced by Stephanie Barron hall. With editing support from Brandon Hall. And additional support from crits collaborations. Thanks to doctor dreamchip for our amazing theme song and you can also check out all of their music on spotify.